Roses are red, violets are blue, f*** you, f*** you.

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q. what did the fat guy get from burger king a. heart disease

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is this the krusty crab? no this is child services were taking your children.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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what did one tree say to the other? move over

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What did the Jamacian say to his friends? Yo me Rastas' on de cloud shroud atta boy 9PM we rizzle into da hitasses bar and we order us da drink of "grandpa's cough medicince" me tinks, who grees wid my view od oftaday Rastas?

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What did the customer say to the waitier? "I think I'll have the special."

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What do call a someone with no arms, legs, and has an eye patch? Names

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Nah really, I start giggling like a dork whenever weird porn or whatever shows up on my computer, its just too weird. Fine ill use my glasses then, thanks for the comment by the way, I was really regretful for sending you that pic, but then again I did not have contacts then, nor did I want to photoshop anything.

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Why did Gary's cat fall from the tree? He didn't use enough gaffa tape.

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What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot.

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2 muffins are in a oven for 30 minutes, the baker then questions why he only baked 2 muffins.

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how many Pikachu's can you get in a mini? 14.

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What do you call a black guy in a Walmart? A customer. You prejudice dullard!

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Two men walked into a bar. The third transformed into a duck and flew away.

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A black man walks into a... nevermind, this joke is dumb.

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Roses Are Red Lemons are sour, open up your legs and give me an hour

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A chickens walks into a bar... And greets her fellow friends

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Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a dead baby? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage

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When life gives you lemons, sell them. Rejoice in your free money.

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Send creepy emails to this email address: matt.harrington@highlandcatholic.org

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why did the chicken cross the road i hate it when people ask questions they already know the answer to

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what did the boy with no arms, no legs, and cancer get for easter AIDS

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Where did Sally go when the bomb hit her? Everywhere

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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