A man walks into a bar. It's a fine establishment. He orders a couple of beers and takes a cab home like a responsible man would. He is then killed with a croquet mallet.

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Why did elmo jump of the cliff caus he was depresed

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? It didn't, there were no roads back then

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How long does it take a woman to park a car? Shouldn't take long, depends on the size of the parking spot.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why are black people black? Because they're clearly not white.

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What did the Turkey say on Thanksgiving? Gobble gobble.

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What do you call a man who has Alzheimer's? Wait what am I doing?

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A duck walked up to a bad hearing drug dealer, and dealer asked duck, "What you do want?" A duck said, "Quack!" So dealer gave duck a crack

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Why was the woman riding a camel? Because woman aren't allowed to drive in her country therefore she rides a camel as a way to commute. The camel's name is Gregory.

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Why did Sidney drop her ice cream? A refrigerator fell on er

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Batman and Robin are about to get into the Batmobile. What does Batman say? "Get in the car Robin."

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Why did the boy go to the hospital? He didn't. Unfortunately the gunshot wound severely injured the boy and he was unable to be revived in time to survive.

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What is woman spelled backwards? namow.

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a Squirrl climded a tree to get a nut

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Some people like melon and others like soup.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a socially responsible chicken and his family was on the other side and every day walks his ass across the street to go to work to provide for his family, unlike your dead-beat ass.

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- Bob, what's interesting to see in NYC ? - Yes, exactly

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Whats white and sticky? Rotten milk.

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Why does Deb wear a hat? Because she is actually bald.

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What do Abraham Lincoln and George Washington have in common? They both had beards, except for Washington.

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What does society have in common with laundry? They both get ruined when you mix colors with whites.

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Your Mum Is So Dumb, It Took Her 2 Hours To Watch 60 Minutes.

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How do you make a dead baby float? Two scoops of vanilla ice cream and two scoops of dead baby.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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