Q: What did the Miracle Whip say when the refrigerator door was opened? A: Nothing. Miracle Whip cannot speak.

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Q: How many Chuck Norrises does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: negitave 999999999999999999e

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What do you call a women with two black eyes? Someone trapped in the cycle of violence that is domestic abuse. The few friends and family members she still speaks with tell she should leave. They don't know about the last time she threatened to leave him, when he held a gun to her throat and screamed "You try an leave me I'll kill you and your precious god damn babies!" Now she suffers silently for fear of what he might do to her family, but is increasingly worried about the way her husband has begun looking at their 13 year old daughter. Every night she kneels at the foot of her bed and prays for death, over the sounds of her own sobbing and her husbands drunken rage. Also she is a slow learner.

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NASA sent a probe to Uranus and wondered why people were laughing.

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How do you make a puppy stop barking? Throw a brick at it.

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What would happen if you threw 50 plates off of your roof? Nothing. No one in their right mind would do that. Besides, who owns 50 plates?

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What did Shaggy say to Scooby before they got in the Mystery Machine? Scooby, get in the Mystery Machine.

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Want to hear a scary story?' I was droppin a two ball and the monster walked in

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How do you confuse Hellen Keller? You write a really difficult riddle in braille and tell her to solve it.

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Micheal jackson had half a pie, Fred had the other half of the pie, They both shared a pie.

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what did the Nazi do when his Jewish rabbit died? silly Nazi rabbits don't have religion

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whats short and has spots? A mouse with the chicken pocks.

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whats black, white, and red all over? your mum

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The Pittsburgh Pirates

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What is the difference between a grape and an elephant? They are both grapes, except for the elephant.

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Guy 1: "Hey, you have some updawg on your face." Guy 2: "Oh, thanks. Did I get it?" Guy 1: "Yeah, I think so."

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How do you get 100 Jews in a car? It is physically impossible to fit 100 full grown homosapians into a vehicle, therefore it will not work.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.

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How many Coldplay members can you fit in a car? All of them, the standard car has four seats or more. Coldplay has 4 members so it makes perfect logical sense

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A buissnes man walks into a meeting and says hello i'm a buissnesman

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What do you call someone trying to be funny? An anti-comedian.

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What's red and fun to drink through a bendy straw? Period blood

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Its true... Chuck Norris has no hair on his balls. Because hair doesnt grow on steel.

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Why did the man cross the road? He was in a state of depression and chose to commit suicide.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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