One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose fell on your head." ..."MMMBBWWAAAAAGGGHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

why'd the chicken committed suicide?? to get to the other-side

thumb_up thumb_down +22

How many dead babies can you fit in a cooler? 5. using a blender to puree` = 9

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What did the priest do to the young catholic boy? Bless him.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do you lock out a Chinese Person? Lock the door

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why is 6 afraid of 7? It's not. Numbers are not living organisms and thus are incapable of experiencing emotion.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence with.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Do you want to hear the best joke ever? Me too!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

yo mama so fat she has diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the girl fall She didn't she was eaten by a bear

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the Ginger get for his birthday? A soul...................................……................……………•

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because that's where the oncologist's office is.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Whats the difference between a black guy and a pizza? A black guy is a human being, and a pizza is a food you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the army guy say when he lost his gun. Wheres my gun.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Your mom's so hairy, she should go to the barber!

thumb_up thumb_down +8

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Why couldn't the girl go to the bathroom? Because she was obese.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

how many babies does it take to paint a wall? it depends on how hard you throw 'em.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why shouldn't you ask Lebron James for change for a dollar? Because in the year 2013 Lebron will tear his ACL and will never able to play the game again. He then won't be able to land a job because he never finished college. After being unable to land a job, he then develops an expensive crack addiction. His house gets foreclosed, and he becomes broke. And is then a homeless broke man who does not even have 4 quarters to his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

The early bird gets the worm, but the angry bird gets the pig.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Once a upon of time, there was 7 dwarfs. Their names are Sleepy, Stupid, Sexy, Shithead, Sonovabitch, Shutup, and Simon. They are a street gang called the 7 dwarfs and was notorious for causing trouble. All the dwarfs got away from the police except for Simon, because that was his real name.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops