A fish swims into a wall. It does not say anything, seeing as fish do not possess vocal chords and therefore are incapable of speech.

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Roses are red violets are blue im a mass murderer and i will kill your family with no hesitation

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Whats green and smells like bacon................. Green bacon

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Now this is a story all about how, my life got flipped, turned upside down. Now I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, and I'll tell you how I lost my job at the tire plant, and how, being out of work and unable to find a new job, I was unable to pay my mortgage. The bank repossessed my house, my wife left me and took custody of the kids, and I ended up having to sell all my remaining possessions and move to a new city in order to try and find employment.

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What's red and smells like metal? A tricycle. It's covered in blood.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. It was a footless chicken.

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How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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What is worse than blue balls? Green Balls.

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I couldnt remember who Rhiana used to date. Then it hit me.

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How many dead body can you hide in a hole? 100. Forget the fat guy

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When is it unlucky to see a black cat? When you are a mouse.

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whay did the monkey fall out of the tree? he was dead. why did the cat fall out of the tree? it was stapled to the monkey.

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Obama is a black man living in a white house. TEEHEE

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A man and a woman walk into a bar... They both die from cerebral hemorrhages.

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What was Hellen Keller's favorite color? Velcro.

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Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

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You know what is not cool? Fire.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Hippopatomous!

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What does Santa do on Halloween? He gives out candy to the kids who come to his door.

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What's worst than your computer breaking? Your face

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Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash? The pilot and three passengers died.

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There is my brain said the English man stop leaving it in the fridge and let me mug you now get in the car OK!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops