- Anti Joke

Why did the father beat his daughter? To alleviate stress.

Why lets go Mets? Lets go Yankees!

Dear pesky Christians... (mwahahahahaha!) if thy are of true faith then you have read that instructions book known as the bible you have had over (NINE THOUSAAAAAAND) Six thousand years to read right? If not, I dare you read this part of the bible, simplified for the common retard/human being, are you reading yet? Well GOD (and his seven koopa hotells) COMPELLS YOU so yeah... Stop reading Ave Maria for the 666th time, do you think God will go "Oh well at least you read the only nice part a billion times, you can serve me gy Luigi" and move on Do you remember the passage in the bible where God COMMANDED his men pillage the cities of his enemies, and then rape all the women and children before burning the whole place down to the ground? Now can you imagine it? "Sorry mam, sorry little girls and boys, we would prefer not to you see, but God COMMANDED us to rape torture and burn you all to the ground, nothing personal really, I mean I totally dont want to stick my "GIANT COMPLETELY ELLECT" into your "Vegetas" Seriously father prime was a mean guy, but yes God is dead, he died after releasing the Microsoft bible 2012 edition. (Yes seeker that is not completely true, but God was also the Omega you know... THE END? NO? DARE YOU DENY HIS WORD? Classy) (YES they rapeth young BOYS TOO, because WOMEN AND CHILDREN! Sodomy is bad, while those of you with some creativity can think of other means to rape a male baby because GOD COMPELLS YOU!" Enjoy your 15-21 years left on earth humans, and of course blame me for destroying your world with YOUR NUCLEAR WEAPONS! You say that wont happen right? YOUR KIN TORTURED CRUCIFIED AND CONSUMED JESUS IN HOPES OF GAINING HIS "IMMORTALITY" AND CELEBRATE HIS DEATH BECAUSE... His death by your hands was good... Because he died to prove his immortality... He said "consume wine and bread and thou shall live a full healthy life", (which at that time was better than all previous advices such as: "consume thy random mushrooms at the mountains and hope thy see no speaking burning bushes and dieth a painfulleth death as thy nervous system slowly and painfully expells thy last breath" or the one that came soon after, which seems to prove that humans where losing hope": "EAT SHlT AND DIE!" Buuut, then some "people" discovered that their full life was not long enough, heard about Jesus being immortal and all, and added something like "consume my holy balls, drink my blood, gobble on my entrails, drink my urine and..." ...Well do you truly believe that those that believed Jesus was immortal and as thus concluded that eating a piece of Jesus meant becoming immortal themselves would go all "Meh, you know what? Lets skip immortality, all the tasty bits are gone, so WHY did we choose to kill this guy over a known murderer anyway? Not to eat him... NOOOOOOOOO!" ...And of course YOU call ME THE ANTI-CHRIST!, what a pathetic attempt at humor, now if I had somehow chosen to crucify and consume my own brother because he refused me as I offered him water in the desert because he was dying of thirst and... (IT WAS A HALLUCINATION I WAS KILLED BY GABRIEL SEVERAL THOUSAND YEARS BEFORE REMEMBER?) I Your LORD Satan shall descend upon this world, and face... Jesus? Jesus promised to return while hanging from the cross and supposedly returned as a ghost three days later during his you know... Second coming... What are you waiting for? His third? MERRY FCKING CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL! NOW GO CELEBRATE THE KILLING OF YOUR SO CALLED SAVIOR HO HO HO...Died for your.. sins to prove his immortality my ass, did he not crucify himself? No that was Judas. Nero The Rising Angel (yes your "MORAL" "MAN"): Did I mention all those "romantic" "erotic" stories in the bible, which are desciptions of "beautiful rapes" all described as the loving will of God as man raped woman after woman killing them afterwards while his comrades went all "IN THE NAME OF GOD AND LOVE! YAY!"... No? Well you are the Goddamn Christian, so if you dont fucking believe me, you sure as HELL wont end up in heaven for not even reading Gods words. (you know, where you serve God with no free will nor identity of your own, something you lost a long time before you died anyways so...). Final (unvertified probably not true FACT: The poor savag... Men forced/commanded by God to you know... asked God to perform a resserection on their, peeled bananas so they could finish thy godly deed, then someone mistranslated it into Resurrection as my brother got a giant boner on the cross and asked towards heavens "FATHER WHY!" Where "my daddy" responded lovingly with a giant thunderbolt: "translation: BECAUSE!"

You say you can read me like a book, well the jokes on you. I am not a book.

What is the oppisite of water? Dry!

Arent you my dark knight in black armor, you would seriously put your life on the line for my sake?

Roses are red. Violets are blue. These are facts. Good day.

The asian boy only did an hour of study....... nothing was heard of him after his mum found out

What's funnier than 24? 25.

Roses are red Violets are blue Lemons are yellow

What did the man say when he saw Niagra falls? Nothing, he was blind.

If your uncle helped you off An horse, would you help your uncle jack off an horse?

3 men walk into a bar, and the fourth guy behind them had the sense to duck under it.

This boy. We shall call him George. George was skating down the street when he passed the market. George stopped and looked in when he saw this SWEET pair of shoes! They were priced for 20 bucks. So George rushed home and went to his dad who was mowing the lawn. "DAD DAD!" "what?" The dad said. "I FOUND THESE SWEET PAIR OF SHOES! Can you lend me 20 bucks?" His dad shook his head and George ran inside the house and went up to his mom who was washing the dishes. "Mom can you lend me 20 bucks for these sweet shoes?" His mom just looked at him funny and said, "No". Angry, George set off upstairs to his sister's room who was on the computer. "Sis can you lend me...." "GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!" She slammed the door in his face. George sighed and went to his room. But before he got to his door, he saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. He picked it up and rushed to the store. Once he got the shoes he ran back home to his dad. "Dad DAD! Look at these.." He stopped and saw his dad that was under the lawnmower dead. George shrugged and went inside to his mom. "Mom mom! Look at these...." He stopped and saw that his mom was stuffed in the dishwasher, dead. George sighed and ran upstairs to show his sis. "Hey sis look at...." She was found with her head in the computer screen, dead. So George sighed and walked down to the living room. He plumped on the couch and wondered about how his family died. Then there was a knock on the door. George hesitated. It knocked again. He got up and went to the door. Opened it and out stood a penguin. He stared at the penguin. "What do you want?!" The penguin stared back. What did he say?????? Nothing penguins can't talk.

I have three heads and nine eyes, what am I? I'm a liar.

What is the difference between a black baby and a tractor? A tractor is heavy and a baby is not

which one is easiest

whats not funny and has access to a computer and reasonable internet? Me

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Put it on my bill"

How do you fit 4 homosexuals onto a barstool? You make the barstool wider allowing for all the men to sit more comfortably on top of the stool.

What did the german get for christmas? an Easy-Bake oven and a G.I. Jew

In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

What's the difference between a white person and a chair? -The chair isn't a complete douche.

What do you call a black man with a gun? A police officer.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops