Was in a coma, survived trough smoke and mirrors, and I had 3 separated sections of my order in order to test the efficiency of my words, united we are about 6.800.000 people. Excuse my anger below, I mean I was in a coma and ended up on some hard painkillers, and while I am still tapering down on a "totally medicinally safe" dosage of 20 mg valium its a bitch, even for a guy that enjoys a mild painkiller every now and then in order to focus. Excuse my excessive typing, its paincontrol vs the stress and all 64 side effects of valium. I am alive, and my followers know that, I do not mean to brag, but Neronism tends to end up fucked up when I am gone with people trying to live up to what only I can do apparently, so I decided it was time to mash the separate groups together... Btw, we live at point zero now, if you do not know where that is, I can inform you at later time. But be quick about it if you have more questions, we only chat on horsehead due the "discussed hours"

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What's the difference between an onion and a baby ? You cry when you cut the onion.

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Chuck Norris has appeared in several action films.

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What goes from pink to red in 5 seconds? A pink shirt when red paint is spilled on it.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I like pancakes Ouch! That hurt!

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How many dogs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Dogs don't have thumbs.

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There are 4 people in a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes. But, the teenage girl says she is depressed and cannot go on. The older woman breaks down into tears because she is reminded of her rough child hood. The two 21 year old twins start crying, too, because they were corrupted by their alcoholic father who would come home and abuse their family. As they were all crying, the two pilots and the flight attendant took the parachutes and jumped. The older woman realized she went to flight school when she was young so she took control. They were are happy and drank a little bit too much alcohol and got drunk. The pilot also drunk and crashed into a huge skyscraper. This catastrophe was later named 9/11.

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Peas

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Why didn't the chicken cross tithe road Because it was a motorway

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Yee

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What happens when you give a fat man scissors? He cuts off the foreskin of your penis.

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Yo mama's like Darfur: Everyone feels bad for her, but nobody offers any substantial assistance.

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What is similar about a goose and newly weds? They both aren't chairs

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Your doctor, You've been diagnosed with venereal disease.

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fatest boner fatest boner fatest boner to adam ramsden

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Why couldn't the kid get in to see the pirate movie? It was rated PG-13, and he was only 11. Plus, he had no money, and his mother didn't want him watching movies like that.

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? They do, they just choose not to compete certain years.

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copy me and i will kill you

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If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

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What would Osama Bin Laden be doing if he were alive today? Drowning

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Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell.

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How many polish people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -One

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Why did the man put his penis in the baby? Because it's warmer than a watermelon.

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- Ask me if I'm a firetruck. - Are you a firetruck? - No.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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