In space, no one can hear you scream. Which means Xenomorphs are deaf.

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Whats brown and rhymes with Snoop?...... Dr Dre.

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I had a chocolate chip cookie today, thats it, just a chocolate chip cookie.

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Ding-Dong.............no knock-knocking required

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Why did the hunter shoot the deer? Because he was hungry and might starve to death if he didnt

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Two cannibals were eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?!" ...Two days later, both of the cannibals became very ill with food poisoning. Always ensure meat is cooked thoroughly before eating.

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Who let the dogs out? The burglar, he broke the door and they ran out.

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Why did the boy miss a day off school? He was in a coma

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Why did the black man go to school? So he could graduate with a degree and persue his life in medicine. He later goes on to get his P.H.D. He now supports his healthy family of 5 and living in Idaho, the state of the potato. He has a job as a doctor and is making more than $2M a year. Ha, didn't expect that now did ya.

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What did the the policeman say to the band member who trashed a hotel room? "You're under arrest" The band member replied "Well, you're under a vest" The policeman reiterates that this isn't the time to be making any jokes and that vandalism is a very serious offence

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What is brown and sticky? Maple Syrup.

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John's life hasn't been the same since committing suicide 13 years ago.

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Why was Lucile crying? Because she was sad.

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Why did the fat person build a lift in his house? He was caring for his terminally ill mother which has a cancer and got both her legs amputated due to the cancer spreading to her legs.

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Yes, it's for the patiënt in the other room.

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What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy? Gang-rape.

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Why couldn't the mexican buy a boat? Because he couldn't afford it

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A boy with red hair is happy.

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Why did Dan fall of his bicycle? Because somebody threw a refrigerator at him.

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OR SOMETHING! VOLUME ONE SPECIAL ALPHA MAN EDITION: What do you do if you are in the jungle, and surrounded by a tiger, and a jaguar and have only one bullet left in the rifle? You shoot the damn jaguar in its tire, and RIDE THE GODDAMN TIGER BACK HOME! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! THE FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD R*PIST!(Yes I also wrote the original kay?)

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A Muslim get's on a plain. He is heading to Spain, and has a lovely time.

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whats worse than forgetting to buy cinnamon toast crunch at the grocery store? Getting beat to death with a gallon of rotten milk...

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Why did the tornado cross the road? Cuz it's a tornado. Don't question it. Run.

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The term "serial killer" is a bit strong...i prefer "ghost manufacturer"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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