- Anti Joke

What's red and round? A red and round solid.

What is the difference between a rabbit and a plum? A: They are both purple, except for the rabbit!

You know why Michael J. Fox makes really good milkshakes? ... because he uses the best ingredients

Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? I've often heard that a room with a million monkeys with a million typewriters, given enough time; would eventually reproduce the complete works of Shakespeare. This seems to suggest that if something has an extremely low chance of happening, it will still eventually happen if enough attempts are made. However, I feel that the aforementioned scenario, given enough time to play out, would only result in a room full of dead monkeys. Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Q: What starts with "P" and ends with "orn"? A: Popcorn Q: What starts with "F" and ends with "UCK"? A: F'uck you -Ap

What would you call it if Justin Bieber had sex with a woman? Sex, because thats what it is.

Why'd The Chicken Cross The Road? He Crossed The Road To Stand In An Icecream Line , Where A Little Boy Stood Infront Of Him, The Chicken Was Scared To Cross The Road Again To Get To The Other Side Because He Saw The Little Boy Get Hit By A Bus. So The Chicken Decided The Best Thing To Do Was To Sit Under A Tree , Where A Big White Thing Fell On Him , It Was A Fridge, Once The Fridge Hit The Ground Mexicans Ran Out And Then Explained To There Local Chickens What Crossing The Street Can Cause Them. To Be Dead. Moral: Dont Let A Chicken Cross The Road. :)

Do you like waffles yeah we like waffles do you like pancakes do you like french toast yeah we like french toast dododododod let me get a mouth full. WAFFLES!!!!!!!

A duck walks ino a bar...... fck this sht im going to candy land.

question: do zombies eat brains answer: actually zombies don't exist, so they don't eat anything

What's green, has six legs and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.

-What do you get when you graph the division of x by the square root of 69? - I don't know, what? -I was asking you, as my family's low economic status hinders my ability to buy a graphing calculator.

knock knock whos there !!!!!.....WE.....ARE.......SPARTANSSSS.....!!!!!!

What do Jim Carrey, Kim Jing-un and Justin Bieber have in common? A penis.

What's black, white, and red all over? A white man's bleeding cancerous tumor.

IF YOU ARE A GUY: Think about a really hot girl. She has the perfect chest, amazing face, blonde hair, and looks flat out stunning. She takes off her shirt which is very appealing and causes for you to get excited because you might get lucky. She takes off her pants, or skirt depending on the choice that you decided upon when imagining this girl, and is walking towards you in nothing but a bra and panties. She continues to take off her bra and gets on top of you. You passionately kiss and afterwords she whispers in your ear, "are you ready for some of this?" you nod your head and she proceeds to remove her panties. Let's freeze this situation for a moment. Assuming that you would ever be in a situation like that there has to be a catch right? A hidden camera, her husband comes home, a rabbid zombie crashes through the door...something. I am happy to tell you that there are no worries about this because nothing will stop you from making sweet and beautiful love to this woman. So let's get back to the scenario. You not your head and quickly tear off your clothes and begin exploring her body. Now turn her 64 and give her a penis with an amazing amount of pubic hair, make her fat, and submit to this manlady. You ask how this happened? Earlier that evening you took a particularly large amound of LSD, or acid if you prefer, and began tripping out. You began seeing ugly people as hot people, and hot people as ugly people. Your friends were concerned because you were hitting on a tree and started humping it at which you were removed from the party by your date who just so happened to be a fat and ugly hermaphrodite who repeatedly raped you and made you cry in submition to her kinky tactics. Drugs are bad, but they make for interesting stories for your friends to tell their children when they get older at your expense.

Black Friday

Q: How mature are you on a scale of 1 to 100? A: 69. :)

Roses are red Roses are red What is big Cherenets head

Have you heard that Hitler and Osama Bin Laden share a room with saton in hell

What's worse than ants in your pants? Uncles.

Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferari? A: I don't have a ferari in my garage.

What do you call a jewish person at a construction site? A builder

Whats the difference between a jew and a boy scout? The boy scout comes home from camp.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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