What happened to Kurt Cobain? He committed suicide. He shot himself in the head with a shotgun and then he died.

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An eagle and a mouse sat on a tree branch, watching a farmer walk to the pasture to milk his cows. The eagle then turned to the mouse but said nothing, because eagles cannot speak. The eagle then ate the mouse because it was a bird of prey.

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What's pink and fluffy? A feather duster.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a microwave? If you don't know the difference you need a psychiatrist.

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all these jokes are horrible now

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Q. What did the man say when he beat his video game? A. "I beat my video game." Q. What did the man say after his favorite sports team missed the playoffs? A. "My favorite sports team missed the playoffs." Q. What did the man say when a murderer was in his house? A. Nothing. He was dead.

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What did the man say after falling off the bridge? Nothing. He died a painful and terrible death on impact.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Why didn't little Jimmy eat his dinner? Jimmy didn't eat his dinner because there was no food. Jimmy is a poor street urchin who died of starvation.

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Knock Knock Who's there? a tree

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how do you stop a baby from crawling in circles??????? you nail its other hand to the floor

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why did the Chinese man fail the driving test because he had no previous driving experience and wasn't prepared for the test

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how did the girl fall off the swing. BECAUSE SHE HAD NO ARMS HAHAHAH

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There was a two car pile up at wal-mart. 50 mexicans were killed.

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how did superman die? he got cought in a plane engine!

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What did the elephant say to the goldfish? Nothing. Animals are unable to speak and fish aren't able to live on land

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How do you get a priest to cry? Stab him.

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Why can't Kim and Arnold get childern ? because they are 2 stones.

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I now pronounce you man and lion. You may now kiss the pride.

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An Irishman walks into a bar. He orders whiskey. An American enters the same bar. He orders a beer. A blonde Frenchwoman enters the same bar. She says "Gimme whatever the Irisman ordered! Double it! He's cool!" She started talking to the American

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Why did the Israeli military stop the helicopter raids to Gaza? They didn't. They continue them until there is nobody left.

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Q: What did the pope say to the prostitute he passed in the street? A: Bath & Bodyworks are having a sale

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justin bieber over spongebob *snicker*

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cerleb i wrote the one about melons!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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