Whats black and blue and doesnt bruise? a bruise.

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What do you call a cow with no legs A cow with no legs.

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How do you wake up lady gaga? First you simply whisper in her ear telling her to wake up. If she doesn't, simultaneously whisper and tap her gently. If you have failed to achieve your accomplished goal, repeat step two however intensely touch her and project your voice when telling her to wake up. Step three, get a... WAIT WAIT!! I just waisted 20 seconds of your life, you're never going to meet her.

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In Soviet Russia, people commonly suffered under the might of the communist juggernaut. It was unpleasant.

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There are 4 people in a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes. But, the teenage girl says she is depressed and cannot go on. The older woman breaks down into tears because she is reminded of her rough child hood. The two 21 year old twins start crying, too, because they were corrupted by their alcoholic father who would come home and abuse their family. As they were all crying, the two pilots and the flight attendant took the parachutes and jumped. The older woman realized she went to flight school when she was young so she took control. They were are happy and drank a little bit too much alcohol and got drunk. The pilot also drunk and crashed into a huge skyscraper. This catastrophe was later named 9/11.

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Why did the blonde fall off the cliff? She was blind and deaf so she never knew where to go, and her parents kicked her out for her problems. It is a sad situation that noone wants to go through

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What makes fat kids laugh? Jokes.

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When you try to go to anti-joke.com but get redirected to Horsehead Network...

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Why couldn't the cat drink it's milk? Because it didn't have a face.

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Why did little Tommy eat an apple? Because he was on a diet

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A Jew and a Muslim are playing golf. Just not together.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Cheese.

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why was the kid laying in the middle of the baseball field? he was shot in the face then mauled by a bear.

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What does an elephant and a grape have in common? One of them is purple.

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What is the one thing you can never steal back? Your viginity.

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I had a really great joke to tell you!

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How do you fit 100 babies into a bowl? You use a blender. How do you get them out? Tostitos scoops.

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what did the orphan say to the adults wanting to adopt him? i hope u will provide well living conditions because i have lost both of my parents and am forced to live off one meal a day

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So I saw a man trying to push a plane. I asked why. He told me to mind my own business and go get ebola. And that's why I left for Africa.

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Why did the woman accuse a black man of stealing from a bank? Because she was eating a cornmuffin on the bench across the street when she saw a black man,stealing money from a bank

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What is stupid and looks like you? You.

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I like your words "He without an equal, also stands alone was it?"

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Why did the boy fall off his bike? Because he didn't have arms.

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Do you believe in Santa? Cuz i don't. Kookaburra

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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