Roses are red, My name is Dan, I have a gun, get in the van

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why aren't Anti Jokes funny? Cuz they're against my religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was the jewish boy crying? i lied he was happy.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

What do you call two grown Mexican men playing tennis? Two adults showcasing their talent in a friendly game of tennis.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

who's sexually attracted to bones? James Cornish

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock Knock! Whos there? Doctor! Doctor who? exactly.. how did you know?

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? I don't know but you're a sick person even thinking about it.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Q: what did the emo girl use to check her email? A: A computer.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

ARGH! LADY THAT SNAKE BIT MY PECKER! YOU HAVE TO SUCK THE POISON OUT NOW! OMG SURE, err...Meh, thats not a poisonous snake... Oh... dammit! I mean phew! Ouch ouch ouch!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What happened to the boy who survived a tragic car accident?? He stepped out of the car and got hit by a semi.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A duck walks into a bar, and the bartender asks what will you have for dinner? The duck says "quack".

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did the catholic priest say to the little boy? Nothing sexual, that kind of behavior isn't as widespread as people think.

thumb_up thumb_down +66

why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? you would too if your name was uuhuhuhduhh

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why the fuck he crossed the road, I don't know what he is thinking.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? I don't know. He couldn't open it.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why do the lesbians where pants? Because they are extremely comfourtable and the best for cold days

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How many elephants can you fit in a car? Five. Two in the front, two in the back, and one in the glove compartment.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

I scream, You scream, The police come, It's awkward.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

That is a bad anti-joke down there | V

thumb_up thumb_down -7

How many blondes does it take to screw a lightbulb? There's too little information to come up with a reasonable answer.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

I wont be arriving soon alright, I mean I am a overachiever for many reasons many of them not exactly "gifts" (such as the pain I cant shut up about but focus on other things such as my goal surely keeps my mind occupied enough). Thanks about the looks comment, used to think I was pretty good looking myself, so if I am more than the looks, then I really like that one (I know I am being a bit brash, but I haven't felt this... Better in a long time, and if hell if I will fake low self confidence, modesty is not my thing when I am not in the mood to be charming) By the way, Alice is quoting me, and having a laugh doing so apparently, lets just say I wont be typing myself ever again, my fingers are not... Useful, and honestly typing with one hand was always a bitch. Enough about me, ill have one of "my shadows" send you money for a first class (seriously you have spent enough on me, and now that my city is making a revenue and still advancing, its my turn to return whatever I can) Tell your parents you won the lottery and share some of the money with them I am sending you a bit extra so to speak. And ffs do not worry about my body, not even sure if I will walk again and speaking, well while it hurts (Alice is laughing again) people here concluded I would live for faaar longer than their first prognosis since I never been a fan of shutting up, and as I told them, my mouth will keep yapping about 200 years after I die, so no problemo. Ill send you a first class to... Nvm you take the money, and come around whenev... You know what? Ill send a plane, yeah, because we can afford that, not yours to keep but you know...

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What did Jesus REAREAREAREVENAGNCEREALLY SAY when he was walkin on da waterz? And I bless this object which shalth now be known as the surfboard, Amen. Seriously, im a Christian, that sounds kinda cute in a weird way... Like aww, thats why he walked on water, not because of terrifying super powers.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops