Why isn't pluto a planet anymore? Nasa decided it was too small

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There's was an old lady. She fell in a puddle

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says, "It is quite hot in here." This is a lie. Neither of the muffins spoke because in reality, Muffins are not only inanimate objects, they are not humans, and therefore they do not have the ability to speak in a comprehensible language.

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Two cats were in a bathtub. They both, however, were uneasy the whole time, as it is common sense to know that cats do not like being in water.

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Not from my wife if that is what you think, but its best people dont know who she is, because you know... A guy that gets many ladies = A playa. A girl that lets his guy do that, well, my wife feels safe about her husband (I am dead honest), but I cant expect people to suddenly go "oh yeah, his wife is totally cool and secure about it all, rather than an insecure idiot that allows him to sleep around like the dog he is) Strictly spoken, I am no dog, women say all men are pigs, but no woman settles for a boy, so that makes me a pig.

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Me: f*** off Asshole: YOUR MOM! Me: -is dead.

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A horse walks into a bar, The bar tender says, "why the long face?" The horse replies, "my wife has terminal cancer"

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue Your Adopted Deal With It!!!

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You have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars. You both have the same amount of money.

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How does a black man put puzzles together? First, he locates the four corners. Next, he begins filling in the sides. Finally, he uses the picture on the box to fill in the center. It can be a very tedious process if he is not paying attention.

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Q Why did the man run away from his shadow? A He didn't it was physicaly impossible.

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Q: What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Its a bird...its a plane....it IS a plane

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Once upon a time there was a chicken...the chicken married a dog. They dog and the chicken had little baby dog-chickens then the daddy dog killed the mummy chicken by eating her. The baby doggie-chicks saw and tried to run away but the daddy dog ate them too. Moral of the story: Marry someone who can't eat you ;)

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Did you hear about Osama Bin Laden? Well, he's dead.

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-Knock Knock ~Who's there? -It's your mother ~Go away

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A Psychologist said that I am a pessimist... Figures.

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So God answered a paralyzed boy's prayer the other day...He said 'No'

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Two goldfish are sat in a tank, one says to the other 'I forgot who you are' to which the other replies 'I forgot what you said'.

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Why did the man die? He was old.

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A guy walks into a bar. He was an alcoholic and it was destroying his family.

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A man walks into a bar and says "hey bartender wanna help me out!" The bartender says "no."

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When Nicki Minaj wrote her song "Stupid Hoe" she was sublimminally talking about her self.

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Yo momma is so fat, her total body volume is slightly larger than a normally proportioned person of smaller mass!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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