How do you torture a turtle? If you came up with an answer to that question you are completely and utterly unethical and immoral.

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Why did Alfa Kurtoo change his name? Just say Alfa Kurtoo fast!

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Knock knock. Who's there? Cook Pu. Ok then. Kelvin Yang.

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What do you call it when someone walks on another person's head? It depends. Face up, fetish. Face down, hate crime.

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welcome to anti joke.com. you were expecting an anti joke wernt you.

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Why was the little boy nervous about playing with the little girl? Because she had gonorrhea.

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Why were the black mans hands all sticky? He was helping orphans with arts and crafts

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What's red and green and goes 100 mph? A car that is driving recklessly and happens to have a Christmas paint scheme.

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Why are women always wrong? Well, depending on the factors of IQ of said women, location and date, said time period of always can be deemed in every circumstance as incorrect to say the least, and derogatory. These days said derogatory actions are punishable by law.

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Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second Koala fall out the tree? Hit by the first Koala. Why did the third Koala fall out the tree? Peer pressure

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Why did the black person cross the road? Because the street light turned green

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What did the dog say to the human? Nothing really. Dogs technically "speak" through barking.

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Why did the man with brain cancer die? He drove his Segway off a cliff.

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A blonde enters a bar and orders an elevator.

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why did the chicken cross the street? ... ... ... oh... come on, ask why!

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Did you know Hellen Keller had a swingset? No I didn't. Ya it was actually really nice.

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Why did little Susie Fall in the well? She had downs.

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Why did the child with terminal cancer and leprosy get sent to the principal's office? Because his parents and brother died in a car accident, and the principal though he should be informed.

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I agree Detroit sux. But the bulls suk too ya know

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Why is josh such a retard Because when he was born a brick fell on his head.

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Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

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how do you piss off a dyslexic? give him a crossword puzzle

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? A hat

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A Jew and a Muslim walk into a bar. They end up getting into a heated argument. After about an hour of back and forth they decide that each person has a valid point, agree to disagree, and go about there business.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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