What do you call a man with a knife in his back? An ambulance

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Why doed Dorris suffer from incontinence? A weiner dog punctured her bladder.

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Q Whats Yellow, Has a body, And has a Spiky head ? A a pineapple

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A middle aged bald man goes to Chuck E. Cheese with a hood and a lump in his back pocket. He has a somewhat enjoyable time with his offspring and leaves.

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What's creepy about a loving couple having sex? I made them do it.

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Why did little Suzy fall down? She got shot.

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When the loaf of bread crashed the car the wife was mad. What do you think she did? She put Nutella on him toasted him and then ate him

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What do you call a police woman who shaves her pubes? PC Marion Jones

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Build a man a fire and he will be warm for a night, set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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Q: what happed to the squirrel that lost his nuts? A: it died

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A guy walked up to me and said "I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam." I promptly informed the authorities. He was transported to a mental institution and I later learned that he swallowed his own tongue and died. Nobody attended his funeral.

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What do you call someone who explores wild cave systems? A spelunker.

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Why did the little girl keep running into things Because she was blind

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year old's? I am twenty one and prefer older ladies as I find them more experienced and mature.

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Knock Knock Who's there? It's the Mortgage company. You haven't payed your loans. The man loses his house and becomes homeless.

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Me-Whats long and hard and full of seaman Him-a submarine Me-No dumb ass a dick

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Whats on my leg? A pimple. What is it doing? Releasing a white/clear puss.

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Roses are rainbow. Violets are rainbow. Everything is rainbow. Thats why you don't take LSD.

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whats black and blue and red all over? my wife shhh!

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What did the doctor say to his patient? You have stage IV Ovarian Cancer.

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knock knock whos there? police police who? police your house is on fire and your kid just died from broncitisand i just farted and u get a tickit because u answered the door naked

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What's big, hairy and smells like sweat? The big show after a hard days work in the ring.

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Moralman... Seriously man, take it easy, my name is Nero, yes I play dual identities sometimes, it is only in order to convey my hidden messages to my people. I am deeply sorry to admit that those that assaulted you where indeed from my order, they have been prosecuted by the law and excluded from our order.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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