"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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a black and a mexican are walking down the street, two cops look up to see this and immediately say "shit, this can't be good".

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mary poppins' handbag is full of fuckin dick

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A Priest and a young child walk into a dark alley.... It leads to a church and he talks to the young boy about God

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Nah, could not care less about how I sound on "The network", its just that I spent all night finishing the core concept to my new novel, and all the capital letters and stuff sound like Jim Carrey in my head as I type. So Redcunt, where you going? When you coming back?

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What's worse than the Holocaust? This joke.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your real father. I left you when you were a month old and I have regretted the decision ever since. I would like to be a part of your life.

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How do you make bread out of corpses? You don't. You grow it with bread seeds.

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Knock, knock who's there? Not your Dad, because he left and created a better family.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because after death the body loses control of muscles and the monkey could no longer grasp the branch with his tail

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Three kids were waiting in line at a camp. One said how long is the wait. The other two said i hope its long. They were waiting in line for the gas chambers at auchwitz

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What is round and will hurt you if you step on it? The sun

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what would happen if you took all the veins out of your body and laid them out tip to tip? you die

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What's the difference between Jordan and Time? Time passes!!

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A- knock knock B- whose there? A- Chuck Norris B- chuck norris who? A- are you retarded?

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What did the cow do when it got run over by a tractor? It died.

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Why did Madona rub shit on her vagina? Because she was horny.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear, The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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A dead guy laying on the floor holding a gun and a knife. What killed him? cancer.

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That's what SHE said!

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What did the firefighter say to his crew when they put out the fire? -Let's go home

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Why does the man leave the store, with two lemons in his shopping bag? Because lemons happened to be one of the items of food he had purchased.

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Teacher: which vegetable makes your eyes water? Student: Any vegetable. Teacher: How? Student: Just rub any vegetable in your eyes and see what happens.

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GONNA

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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