- Anti Joke

What is the difference between baldness and boldness? The second letter.

What's black & sits at the top of the staircase? A quadriplegic after a house fire.

Roses are red Violets are blue I don't like to rhyme Microwave.

the only thing funny about this website is the fact ciaran hawkins is in love with it

A man is walking in the desert, alone and lost, when suddenly he finds a lamp. The man picks up the lamp and to his surprise, a genie bursts out of the lamp ! The genie says to the man: "Thank you, kind man! You have freed me from this prison I have been in for a million years. I am in your dept and will grant you three wishes." The man replies: "Wow, you've been in there for a million years and all you have to give me are three wishes?" The genie was really sad to hear of the man's lack of appreciation and flew away, leaving the man. The man eventually died of starvation and dehydration.

Why did Sally cry at the wedding? somebody shot her future husband.

Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profits evenly.

5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

Q: What's more silly than the idea of a wealthy, successful black man? A: A Clown

your mammas so fat she has to buy pants in the xxlarge section of the store

Why didn't Tommy walk to school? 'Cause he was in a wheelchair..

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Because he thought it was a game. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? Because it had no arms. Why did Little Timmy fall off of his bike? Because he was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator. Knock knock Who's there? Not Little Timmy.

What do you call a Chinese person with a computer for a head? Dead because it is impossible for your heart to function with out a brain

what did the girl said to the stalker? i dont know cuz if i did, i would be a stalker

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

What did Lance Armstrong say to his critics? I have one testical

A duck walks into a restraunt and sit's down at it's table. The waiter asks what the duck would like to eat. The duck says "I'd like a tasty, healthy meal that will help me lose weight." The waiter says "How about the rocket salad?" So, the duck orders a rocket salad, eat's it, pays his bill, and leaves.

what do you call a black man on tv? an actor

What do you call a man that likes to play baseball? A Baseball Player.

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break: 1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." 2nd surgeon says "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." 3rd surgeon says "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is color coded." 4th surgeon says "I prefer Chelsea fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

A racist indian (from india) walks into a bar (in india). A catholic priest walks into the same bar. The bar says 'moo'. The bar is a shape-shifting cow.

Not as much as a psychopath, I mean I feel sick as hell and getting out of here would be a welcome change, I am simply pissed, I mean not even Major Dumbass here deserves half the treatment Nero underwent, but lets put that away. Yeah you have been told where we are at huh? I can come get you, I have not changed much, except I might not exactly be much of a good shoulder to cry on, but I suppose it will do if you want, since I know you, I am the least of a merc you will find around, besides you know, I did always remind you and myself of your old man, sorry I just left, I am sure you understand its not fun to play second banana... Well not that you and him apparently, nor you and me, okay never mind about that, I just welcome a change of pace that`s all, I mean one thing is killing some assholes, another thing is this torture thing, but I wont stop my men, and a certain twisted woman from doing what they obviously love, as you might have read beforehand, it could come most useful. If it is worth something, I cant even stare at these things, but I wont lie, I ordered it. Lookie at me, trying to sound nice and pleasant around you, listen I appreciate if I can come pick you up myself, I might not be much of a listener nor all that, but I need to at least find out if I am truly becoming a psychopath here, if I am, I am pretty much screwed. I mean we are all angry here, but yeah. Sorry to say you have to decipher the codes in order to contact us in the future trough our little system, (procedure safety protocols and such yadayada) but I can get someone to pick you up during the next seven hours or so, and I am seriously and honestly not in the mood for anything... Fancy, so I suggest a hotel room or something, as I know that little shack of you is neither safe nor pleasant (which makes it the perfect hiding place ironically, I wish that damn mastermind was alive today, Nero would have changed the world without it even knowing it given the chance (not saying he did not but you know) I wont lie, I am kinda nervous seeing you again, then again I just threw up for the last time. Since there is no coding here whatsoever, its just what it says, I suggest that you do not respond if there is no problem if I pick you up, and believe me, you do not want to wait here, I mean it is my deal to supervise all of this, but if nothing else, let me come get you since I am not exactly proving to be much of a leader when it comes to this torture thing (clean shot to the head is more my style apparently) and well, what can I say, I am hungry and the food dont stay down here so I cannot wait to find a good excuse to get the hell out of here. Sorry, chatting almost as much as your late old man (he was always better at mindfuck and cracking jokes while dodging gunfire though, fearless bastard), seven hours, I need my 3 hours after all of this, and since you are quite beautiful and I have had to see a completely new side of some of my "men" today i think it is definitively better that I get you in person just in case. (actually our "lady" here, is the worst sadist but you get my point). Who and what is this Metal Gear Solid btw? I always told your old man that playing videogames rather than practicing would get him killed some day, but hell, I think I am joking, the man had so high fever they had to go get a thermometer which could register higher degrees of cold and then heat, and as far as we got from our point, he fought like a true soldier, and then the damn Spetz brought on their Nazi brothers keeping us occupied. Did I mention that General Dumbass here was the one supposed to lead the charge? I told your late old man that he should wait, but Nero rarely got that cold stare man, its as if he told me right there and then "You know that son of a bitch is never going to turn up", honestly I would have gone in there first if I could, but Nero well, while we have no idea how he was standing (he kept having trouble distinguishing reality from fever stuff) I honestly think he knew he was going to die anyway, because these bastard doctors apparently told us he was going to be fine when he was alive, then changed their story, I hope you do not mind we killed em all, had they been honest, maybe Nero would have stayed home, yeah we all know that is a lie, on the bright side Nero knew he was a goner, your bio-dad wrote the last words for him, and yeah, Nero charged forward before the old reaper could get him. I need to get sleep first, I am dead tired which would leave me chatting ten times as much and as fast as I am typing. Seth Nothing Never knew my parents, was raised by my older sister which for some reason refused to tell me my real or last name, and I thought that would make me a sissy... Well compared to some here I am.

How do you make a baby stop crying? You slit it's throat.

The other day a man came to my door. After I opened it, he told me, "I'm sorry, your mother is dead." He paused, then said, "Just kidding." "Actually," I told him, "my mom died two years ago of natural causes." He turned around and left, and I closed the door. All in all, it was a very confusing situation, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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