The class valedictorian is about to give his speech to the class. He has 6 fingers total, he is missing an ear, his left nostril is burned shut, and he must walk on crutches because of the severe injury to his left knee. How does the extremely cruel Principal of the school introduce him? "Please welcome Gregory Barnes, a brave soul that conquered a battle against death itself an won".

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Roses are red, violets are blue When I cut you, you bleed

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What's worse than burning your bacon? Finding your daughter decapitated and raped in the basement.

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What did little John do when he was bored? He went on Anti-Joke

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting your balls chewed off by a rottweiler.

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What's red and weighs a metric ton? An apple, my scale wasn't calibrated

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Wanna hear a joke? Once upon a time, there was a successful Mexican.

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Cavan keely's the type of guy who drives past hilltown screaming GET IT THE VAN!!

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What's brown and sticky? A stick

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9/11/01 walks into a bar

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What's even better than finding 10 bucks in your pocket? Getting into heaven.

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why did the semen cross the road? i wore the wrong sock today.

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Why did the cook put rubber bands in the spaghetti Because he was an asshole

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What did the mother get her blonde daughter for her birthday? A flower on her tombstone.

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A blond is stranded on a desert island when she finds a magic lamp. Except it's actually a rock and she is hallucinating due to dehydration and starvation.

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Why did Timmy fall off the swing? Because he was dead

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What's the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes back from camp.

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Chuck Norris walked into a bar. He was greeted with much respect considering he was a talented actor.

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Why was the tree sad? Trees cannot think or move, and thus cannot feel emotions.

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What did the gay man say to the other gay man? I like guys... cause I'm gay.

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Guy One: Guess what? Guy Two: What? Guy One: I don't know, that's why I asked you.

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A cat walks by a chineese buffet, the owner kindly puts food and water outside the door so it doesnt die

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Grapefruit.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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