How do you get someone to shut up? Shove a fork down their throat and hang them by thier thumbs

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What do you call a blonde with one leg? Heather Mills

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Why did the boy die? He got hit by the school bus.

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question: why did the dog whine? answer: Because it wanted the freakin bone

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What's Big and Round? My Testicular Cancer

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An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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A man walks in to a bar, Has a drink, and leaves.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To look at the most interesting man in the world.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 cantaloupe.

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What do you call a guy with a puppy, candy, and a windowless white van? You're next baby sitter.

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What's scarier than the most horrifying monster you can think of? The thought of Donald Trump becoming president!

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your house Knock Knock, Who's There The Chicken

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Why does god never feel anger? Because you need to exist to have feelings.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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why did the poet kill the blackchicken? as a source of inspiration for his poultry

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Who gets more action than my best friend Reese? My raped cousin....

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Why'd Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's There Not Sally Why was the boy sad? Because he dropped his ice cream cone Why'd he drop his ice cream cone? Because he got ran over by a bus Why'd he get run over by a bus? BECAUSE SALLY WAS DRIVING

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what's the difference between two pieces of bacon and a blond girl? The blond girl is a human and it's against the law to eat her.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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A man told his daughter not to give his dog coffee. His daughter turned and told him that she was his nurse and his alzheimers is getting worse.

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What's not red? No tomatoes.

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You know what really pisses me off? When I drink too much coffee.

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What's the object with the most points according to science and math? A sphere.

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Why couldn't Jimmy wash his hair? He has leukemia and therefore no longer has hair.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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