Two small boys are walking in a schoolyard. One of the boys sits down under a tree looking distraught. The other asks him "Well whats the matter Eddy?" "Every time I walk to my bus-stop in the morning, Jimmy Krugan, pushes me down and takes my money. " The first boy thinks for sec.. "Well here's what you do Ed; go to your Dad's shed and grab a 2X4, paint it bright blue. In the morning, walk to school with it under your jacket and when Jimmy starts in on you give him a good wallop. He wont be bothering you anymore." The following day the boys are in the yard again. Eddy is seen under the tree seeming just as distraught. Confused, the boy asks him.. "Well Ed, did you do what I told you?" "No."

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how do you make sure someone is dead shoot them

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A sad horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse answers "My wife was just diagnosed with terminal cancer."

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Knock knock. Who's there? Louis. Louis? Go away!!! Your jokes are so bad! Geez, you guys really don't like me. GET OUT!!! (Door slams; Louis shuffles away with a sad look on his face) -Louis

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whats worse than 911 nothing you cant beat 911that sucked

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Roses are Red Violets are plucked So are my nose-hairs Pretty disgusting

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What's the difference between a jew and pizza? A Jew is human and pizza is food.

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Why did the carrot jumped over the fence? It didn't. Carrots do not have the physical ability to jump.

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What's the best part of the 1980s? They're over.

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Whats worse than one pregnancy scare... whats worst than two pregnancy scares? being forced to having consensual sex with a grizzly bear.

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them.

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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Whats blue, sticky and glows only during the morning? IDK -Lets go Mets

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Why did the Japanese man commit suicide? He was terminally ill and decided it was his time to go

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Nancy Kerrigan walks into a club

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What's the difference between a dog and a urologist? A dog is a domesticated canine, and a urologist studies urine.

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one day a boy asked a Manican if it had a pulse it didn't

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What happens when you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets Wet.

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knock knock Who's there? Someone who wants to save you from the shitty dinner your lazy wife made.

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WELCOME TO THE SECRET BEYOND THE SIXTH SENSE! 1, Sound 2. sight 3.touch 4.Smell 5.Taste. 6.Balance? :(

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What happens when you walk by two black men? You walk by two black men.

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Why the kid can't get off the water? Because your feet is on his head

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Why is Bruce Wayne named Batman and Tim Drake named Robin? They wanted to hunt bats and robins whenever someone does something bad.

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My mother forgot to make me a sandwich today.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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