What does a good joke get for Christmas? no laughs.

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If you have two berries in one hand, and three in the other, what do you get when you put them together? Five.

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Q. What did the fat man say when he ate a salad? A. Yum.

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I got shot, you laughed

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Red sky in the morning, Shepard's warning. Red sky at night, Shepard's Fulcrum.

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why did the arrow hit the knee? the same reason pigs cant fly.

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Can you guess the following words? Boo*s s*x *orn g*y cu*t b*tch Answers: Books, six, horn, guy, cult, batch.

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How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

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A shark walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face. The shark replies i dont have cancer just a terrible drinking problem.

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One day a man was out fishing in the lake. Suddenly, there was a huge fish pulling his fishing pole so hard it almost broke. Luckily, he managed to pull the fish into his boat. It was the biggest fish he had ever caught and he brought it home for his family to see. They were all very proud.

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A man walks into a bar with a chicken on his head the bartender asks the man why do you have a chicken on your head the man replies the chicken is thirsty

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Guess what I saw today?..........Nothing I'm Blind.

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what do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch names

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Why did the chicken cross the road? As this question does not provide neccesary information, a plausible answer cannot be found.

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Does it not sound kinda fun to keep slapping someone that always turns the other cheek?

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hi joshua

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how many dead babies can you fit into a blender? 17 how do you get them out? Tortilla chips, but you'd be arrested by that time anyway because you just murdered 17 babies

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Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.

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A giant storm loomed over a village atop a hill. Citizens were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from the age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest. Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes. Finally, Rosie, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who has been through 13 interventions and countless suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonny, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a carton of Ribena and his lucky medal and took his first step outside. He took the carton of Ribena, crumpled it up, spraying fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and shouted, "Nothing will stop me!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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The continent of Africa is mired in corruption, poverty, food crises, disease, and the exploitation of its resources. Happy Kwanzaa

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What is long, erect, and 12 inches long? A ruler.

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How do you get a person to stop talking to you? Ask nicely to please be quiet and let me talk.

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two elderly men were sitting in the sun discussing their lives. The first man says "my life was horrible as I had to walk to work uphill in the snow with no boots on a daily basis" The second man looks at the first and replies "you know why my life was horrible?.. I was born a jewish man in Germany during the second world war and was injustly judged and harrassed nearly to death on a daily basis"

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What do you do if your computer breaks: Go on your phone. What do you do if your phone breaks: Go on you iPod What do you do if your iPod breaks: Then your screwed and you should get a Job and learn not to break things.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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