Why did the turtle take so long on his run? Because he never went on a run he walked.

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Which came first the egg or the chicken? The chicken because eggs can't cross the road

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What did the lion say on a hot day in Africa? Nothing, lions can't talk.

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? Quality control or some other function.

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One night, a man was bitten by Dracula. The first thing to come out of his mouth was "Joke's on you, I have AIDS!" Then proceeded to laugh hysterically until Dracula snapped his neck

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How do you sink a Polish submarine? Hit it with a torpedo.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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1.....2.....3.....boom you died

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Whats the defination of cruelty

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Why did the man try to lick his elbow? Because he read a chain email saying no one could lick their elbow and he wanted to see if it was true. You will probably try to do it now too.

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Q. How do you kill 5000 flies? A. Slap a afraican in the face.

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How do you confuse a blonde? Beat her with a spatula while in a mankini with a dildo up your ass!

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How did 3 fat women fit under 1 small umbrella and not get wet? It wasn't raining!

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How do you confuse a blonde? Speak to her in a nonsensical language of gibberish you have devised without her being able to understand or translate.

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What did the alien say to the parachute? We're connected

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What did the blind man say to the deaf man? -Nothing, he doesn't know sign language.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Certainly not to have its motives questioned!

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Oh my God, my friend just got hit by a truck. Lets go get ice cream

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Yo mama so ugly she's ridiculed daily and has frequent suicidal thoughts.

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Q: Whats a spanish teacher who cant speak spanish A: duhh. it called an english teacher

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Thumbs up if u dont have aids:)

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What's worse then AIDS? Chad Wolbert

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Why did the cancerous elephant cross the road?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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