Why did the man throw his alarm clock out the window? Because he has anger management issues.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How many hispanics does it take to screw in a light bulb. One. Just one. You just screw it in, it's not that complicated.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Depends. Some are vegetarians or vegans, while most eat a mixture of vegetables and meat.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man went back in time and warned nobody about anything and pretended to be from the time he choose to go to and lived a happy life eventually finding a wife. He later found out he had a baby on the way, he named it after his great grandfather who was a war hero. He later found out that many years later his son had a son and they named it after his grandpa. He went to the hospital where he died just as his grandson had a baby and they named it after his father. The man died. End.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Knock Knock Who's There Gary Oh hi Gary, come in

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Why couldn't the teen go to the prom? He was busy working to help his mom recover from breast cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

why did the snow man die? Actually it is impossible because it was an inanimate object.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends what its name is.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

As little Timmy crossed the finish line his heart raced with excitement he had just won the big race. Later he and his family went home to celebrate they had pizza and chips and soft drinks. Then they played scrabble and watched spiderman 2. After that Timmy went to sleep. When his parents found him that morning they mourned and mourned because their hero little Timmy was still asleep.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q. Why did the fence break? A. Too many mexicans were climbing it.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What do you call five gay men walking in the same direction? I don't know the usual human does not take note of such circumstance.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What do you call a deer with no eyes? A deer. The fact that it has no eyes doesn't change the species.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

You know what they say about big shoes? Big socks. You know what they say about big socks? Big feet. You know what they say about big feet? Big hands. You know what they say about big hands? Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Barack Obama, Mother Teresa and Stephen Hawkings had race. Who won? Barack Obama. This deduction can be made as Stephen Hawking is severely disabled by a motor neurone disease known as amyotrophic lateral sclerosis. Henceforth, he has very limited control over the majority of his body and is confined to a electric wheel chair. Thus, he could not participate competitively in the race. Moreover, Mother Teresa is dead. This unfortunate occurrence was caused by several myocardial infarctions in combination with pneumonia. Regardless of this, Mother Teresa's meek and frail build would slower her speed considerably; in comparison to Barack Obama's relatively athletic and robust frame. Nonetheless, President Obama is a smoker. Therefore, he may experience symptoms associated with emphysema during the race, causing him to retire. As such no-one would finish the race, leaving the spectators feeling very disappointed and empty.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the bird fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the squirrel.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Yo mama is stupid that she has an IQ below 70 and can be classified as mentally retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A squirrel and an owl are sitting in a tree. The squirrel turns to the owl and says nothing, because it is a squirrel and squirrels can't talk. The owl turns to the squirrel and eats it, because it is a bird of prey.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock, Who's there? The Postman. But I wasn't expecting a parcel. Is it for 37? No, Sorry, its for 35.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead. Just like your dreams.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Why did the Chicken cross the road? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why didn't Clair get up all day? She died in her sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What did the vegitarian order for brunch. VEGITARIANS DONT BELIEVE IN ICE CREAM>

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What is the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? I take my cleats off when I jump on trampolines

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops