How many pancakes do you need to reach a 2.5m roof? Purple, because aliens don't fly

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Roses are red Violets are blue Chrome won't stop crashing randomly F*ck Chrome

thumb_up thumb_down

Knock Knock Who's there Your serial killer

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What is worse then dropping the soap? Not being able to pick it back up.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

If a vegetarian only eats vegetables, then what does a humanitarian eat?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I'm off to my tank guys!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man walks into a bar He wakes up from his coma 21 years later and learns that humans now serve pumpkins as gods.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

why couldnt the jew play basketball? He was handicapp

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A women president

thumb_up thumb_down +25

There's a donut on a cruise ship and he goes up to the captain and he's like "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain goes "nope, come back tomorrow" so the next day the donut goes up to the captain and says "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain replies "nope, come back tomorrow" so the next day the donut goes up to the captain and he's like "hey captain can I drive the cruise ship" and the captain says "NO!" and throws him over board Theres a couple on the cruise ship and the man was going to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and propose. So he was showing his bestfriend (who was also on the cruise ship) the ring. But was he pulled it out the wind picked up and the ring fell over board. So the man was forced to have a romantic dinner with his girlfriend and couldn't propose. So they go to dinner and the both get crab. And when they open up the crab and guess what's in the crab?! Not the ring the donut!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the difference between a cow and some dirt? They're the same except for almost everything

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A man walks into a bar. Except it was a metal bar, like a pole. So he got hurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +3,052

Have you heard of Helen Keller's dog? No. Neither has she

thumb_up thumb_down +79

A dog walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender goes to get him a drink, but then realizes how ridiculous this is and wakes up from his dream. He rolls over to tell his wife about it, but she ignores him. He begins to cry silently, realizing his marriage is in shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,098

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is deceased, therefore rendering her incapable of movement, which is required to drive a vehicle.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the black kid get for Christmas? Marijuana

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I will create more jobs for americans

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Why did John fall down the stairs? Because John is a paraplegic and there wasn't a sufficient wheelchair ramp at his access.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Ain't idn't a word.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

2 ducks walk into a bar. The first orders a drink, drinks it, and drops dead. The other duck said, "Bar tender! What did you put in my friends drink?" The bar tender said, "Poison."

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What happened when the black man and the white woman mated? Nothing. The man was infertile.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the boy yawn? Because he was tired.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

A: Hey ask me if Im a fire truck? B: Are you a Fire Truck? A: No why would you ask that?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the man yell at his wall? Because it jumped out and scared him when he walked past

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops