2 guys walk into a bar, a third guy carefully ducks under it

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Your momma is so fat, that her doctor recommended that she goes on a diet in order to prevent early death caused by a heart problem.

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make me a sandwich!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue At least that's what I've been told But honestly I've never seen those flowers so I wouldn't know.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Phil, because that's his name.

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What's the only thing more horrible than trash can full of dead babies? A live one at the bottom. What's more horrible than that? He has to eat his way out. What's more horrible than that? He goes back for more. What's more horrible than that? This all took place in my garage while I was watching.

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once i was a dog and u were a flower........... i raised my leg and gave u a shower :)

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How do you escape prison? Kill everyone in it hen once you have escaped find their families and viciously murder them. Are they going the send you back to prison? No because you will kill everyone.

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What do you call the alarm system in a failing inner-city school? A dumbbell!

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How many blondes does it take to skrew in a lightbulb? Usually just one.

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What's worse than an earthquake? Two earthquakes. What's worse than two earthquakes? Three earthquakes. What's worse than three earthquakes? The world exploding.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The cognitive capacity of the chicken is significantly underdeveloped in comparison to humans; thus, comprehending a chicken's motives is impossible. Furthermore, interspecies communication is largely understudied - a mysterious division of science that may never be fully revealed. Therefore, one could safely theorize that no single human could breach this gap in communication differences (assuming chickens do, in fact, communicate) and in turn, could not understand the chicken's reasoning behind its choice to cross the road (excluding the possibility of psychic connections between chickens and humans [see 'Dog Whisperer' for a more clear explanation on interspecial psychic relations]) That being said, the only scientific and logical way one could understand the aforementioned question is through observation. For example, perhaps food was located on the other side of the road. However, this seems to pose a plethora of other questions: Why was the chicken near a road and not in a coop stocked with adequate food? Was this a wild chicken? Are there wild chickens? Do wild chickens often cross roads? Are wild chickens dangerous? If so, why hasn't there been warnings about dangerous, wild chickens crossing roads? The answer to these questions may never be discovered or explained.

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? The bench can support a family.

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What did the father say to his daughter? "I'm going to rape you."

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A priest and a rabbi walks into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "is this some kind of joke?".

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why did the chicken cross the road? IDGAC

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Hitler wasn't that bad... He DID kill Hitler.

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What do the Chinese call "Ping Pong"? Ping Pong

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Why did the little boy cry and run home from the store? Because the store was out of pickles.

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whats hairy and fat? I DONT KNOW YOU TELL ME RETARD

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A man comes home to find his wife in bed with another man. He then joins them.

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What was big and stiff A 30cm ruler

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What does it mean when somebody is Jewish? They eat palahuardo por sinquevos for breakfast. Qua.

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What did the cat say to the cat? Miau

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops