What do you call a man floating in a pool with his arms chopped off? A murder victim.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree? It was taped to the other monkey

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What's long and yellow? A yellow tube.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 had Gonorrhea.

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Why did the vegetarian only work one day? Because her co-workers are cannibals.

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How do you punish Helen Keller You don't, she's dead

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Q-What did the Farmer say when he lost his tractor? A-Where's my tractor?

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What's worse than the holocaust? Giovanna Plowman.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.

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Most of these Anti-Jokes are Anti-Anti jokes, which makes them funny, if they were actually Anti-Jokes they wouldn't be funny at all.

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what's the difference between "rita , sue and bob too ," and rocky II ? rocky II is about boxing

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What did the ocean say to the shore? Nothing, water and sand are incapable of speech. Unless of course you are Harry Potter in which case you can cast a spell on them and turn them into a cat which still couldn't talk and them from there you could wait for them to evolve which doesn't actually exist so you would have to ask God and then you would wait for a few years than they could say hi.

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What worse than being shot? Waking up and finding a penis in your mouth.

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Kanye West walks into a bar. As he is a very popular celebrity, he is recognized instantly. The patrons mob him, asking for pictures and autographs. He is in a pleasant humour that evening, so he indulges them. Some laughs are had, he buys lots of drinks, and takes home two beautiful women. Such is the life of a celebrity. ...but that still doesn't make him happy.

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? no eyed dear what do you call a dear with no head? dead!

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What is white and can fly? A fridge that can't fly.

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What is the black kid down the street getting for his birthday? Well first of all, his name is Pat. And he asked his parents for an Xbox that he will likely receive, and I assume a variety of other gifts from friends and family.

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why did the other chicken cross the road peer pressure

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How do you amuse a blonde? ? tell her to go to antijokes.com ( :

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Knock knock Who's there? The mailman The mailman who? The MAILMAN The MAILMAN who? I'm the Fu*king mailman now here's your MAIL!

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What did the plane say to the twin towers on 9/11 - Nothing, how do you expect planes to talk, stop hallucinating and stop with the drugs

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Whats sad about 3 mexicans getting hit by a train They were remodeling my kitchen

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a man is bussy at work, when he gets called by his doctor. YOUR WIFE IS HAVING A BABY! the doctor yells. so the man runs to his car, drives home like a madman, and arrives home with his doctor holding the newborn in his arms. "congratulations" the doctor says "it's a boy" the man takes the baby in his arms and says: "but, this child is black!" his wife cheated on him and the familly breaks appart

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saw a free cat yesterday...it was dead on the side of the road

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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