roses are red violets are blue holy sh*t slendermans behind you

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

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Where did Lucy go after being hit by a train? Well, the results of this question are somewhat difficult to pinpoint, but here is a generalized ratio model. 47% of Lucy went underneath the trains wheels and was left behind, crushed into the railway sleepers. 33% was thrown aside and discarded around the SIDES of the track. 19% was carried on the front of the train, into the next station where it fell off as soon as the train stopped. 1% was found in Mount Everest.

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Why wasn't Hellen Keller a good driver? She didnt get her driver license...

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I was playing Black Ops online, my wife turned it off in the middle of the game....I killed her

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ok, a family walks into a talant agency, the talent agent says "What can you do". The family breaks out into a sing and dance routine, and do nothing sexual in their routine.

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You're mama's SO stupid that when she applied to college, they were happy to help.

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Snape dies. ^ Spoiler Alert tarelona major

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what's the worst part of your kid dying the clean up

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Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? All the inventory was destroyed.

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What did the stuffed animal say to the human after the human said hi? Nothing, after all stuffed animals can't talk

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Why aren't there alligators in a bookstore? Because alligators would pose a danger to customers.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I look down My pants are brown.

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How many children does it take to kill a homocidal killer? None. Children should not attempt such a dangerous task.

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what is the difference between a black man and a bucket of shit? The bucket.

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What's green and runs through the forest? - A pack of cucumbers. What's wrong with that? - Cucumbers aren't pack animals.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bipolar NO I'M NOT!!

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What did the black cat say to the tabby cat?? Meow

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roses are red violets are blue i'm a schizophrenic and so am i

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Q: What's worse than a bee sting? A: Two bee stings. Q: What's worse than two bee stings? A: Three bee stings. Q: What's worse than three bee stings? A: Rape.

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Yo Momma is so fat she is at risk of contracting Type 2 Diabetes.

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A man asked another man what he was doing the next day. The man then proceeded to tell him that he had not intended on having any plans due to the fact that he was planning on killing himself within the next twenty three hours.

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There were three hungry cows in a barn. One day, one of them finds a stick of butter on the ground, and notifies the other cows of his findings. Since the barn was ran like a democracy, the cows decided via 2/3 vote that the winner of the stick of butter should be decided by a checkers tournament. The problem is that there is no good way to run a checkers tournament with three cows because checkers is a one-on-one game. The first cow suggests trying to find another cow to join in so that they could have a bracket-style tournament, but there were only three cows that lived in the barn. The second cow suggests a round-robin style tournament. The third cow informs the second cow that there is a possibility of a tie because each cow can finish with one win and one loss among the two games in a round-robin tournament. The first cow suggests that the round-robin process can be repeated until there is a winner. This joint suggestion was approved by 2/3 vote by the cows. Finally the checkers tournament begins. The first cow says to the second cow, "you butter not beat me at checkers!"

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Why can't Amy Winehouse drive? She is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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