There is a young boy called Clive, and his dad asks him what he wants for his birthday: "I would like one yellow golf ball please dad" he said. Of course, his father was quite surprised by his son's request, but nevertheless, he got him a yellow golf ball for his birthday. A few years later, clive does amazingly well at school and gets all As in his final exams. Filled with pride and love for his son, his father says to him: "I can't begin to tell you how proud i am of you, Clive. In fact, you can have a preasant! What do you want?" Clive thinks for a moment. "i would like one hundred yellow golf balls please!" His father was a bit annoyed at his strange request, but neverrtheless, gave Clive his yellow golf balls. A few years later, Clive wins the gold medal at the olymics for the 100m sprint. His father is very proud: "Son, i am so happy about the way you've turned out. You make me so proud. Is there anything you want me to do for you?" "can i have 1000 yellow golf balls please" Now his father got annoyed, he thought Clive was taking the piss. Eventually though, he calmed down and got clove the golf balls. Unfortunatley, Clive gets diagnosed with a deadly disease. His father is heartbroken. And as clive is lying on the hospital bed, his father moves close and speaks to him. "Son" he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I just want to ask you one thing." "Ok," Clive said, as he too started to get emotional. "Why on earth did you want all those golf balls?" Clive looked deep into his father's eyes, as he took his last breath said: "I wanted them because- ack -splutter- ack" And he died.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

why couldn't the girl watch t.v? Because her house burned down

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the difference between a Jew and a Boy Scout? Boy Scouts come home from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Abbie has head so far up her arse, it just LOOKS like it's coming out her neck.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Roses are red Violets are blue Carnations are cheap and they will not get you a blow job.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's worse than having a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Once upon a time there was a cowboy. He died. The end.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Jimmy has nine bags of sugar. He eats nine bags of sugar. What doeshe have now? Diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What did the teenage girl text her friend while driving? It doesn't matter, she's dead now. Don't text and drive.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why was the globe sad? Because it was cut in half.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

How do you get a baby in a blender? Feet first so you can see the expression on it's face. How do you get it out ? Nacho chips!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

True fact: every rabbit lives their whole cute life.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

3 black men walk into a bar. They order their drinks, tip the bartender, and could not have been more courteous.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did everyone want to hang out with the mushroom? They didn't. In fact the mushroom's social anxiety had developed to the stage that he had frequent contemplations of self-harm and is in serious need of extensive therapy.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Me: What postion in baseball does a cat play? You: I don't know? What? Me: I don't know i haven't eaten that part yet.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Give a man a fish, feed him for a week. Teach a man to fish, he'll starve to death. Provide this man a fishing rod, and now finally you're doing something helpful.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

To the 'am i pregnant now?'-section: Yesterday I spilled mustard on my brand new pants. That was just before I went out to some clubs. That night, after I had enjoyed myself with friends and alcohol, while I was walking home I was raped several times by big, black and hung men. It hurt a lot and my anus is still bleeding. My question is: What is the best way to get rid of the mustard stain?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

So a duck walks into a pharmacy and says "i need some ointment for my beak, its rather chapped." and the Pharmacist said "Sorry we don't have anything for ducks here."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a blonde with great maths skills? A smart person with blonde hair.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Friends are like potatoes, when you eat them, they die.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you do if there's a black guy bleeding on your lawn? Help Him

thumb_up thumb_down

why is santa so jolly? hes not hes a fictional character made up by our parents imagination

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops