Q: whats worse than finding a worm in your apple A: the holocaust

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How do u keep annoying children off your front lawn? Molest Them.

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Why did Jimmy lay down? Because he was tired

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What do you call a blind person? Mack Despard

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What do you call a guy who died in a stampede? Grandpa.

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A mum and a dad were having guests round for dinner. The daughter overheard them arguing. Dad was calling mum a b*tch and mum was calling dad a b*stard. The daughter asked them what it meant and they just said, "oh, it just means ladies and gentlemen". Later, when mum was doing her makeup, she dropped it and said oh "sh*t". Daughter asked what it meant and mum replked "it's just another word for makeup". After that, dad dropped the turkey and said "oh, F*ck!" Daughter asked what it meant and he replied "its another word for cooking". When the guests arrived, the daughter answered the door, and said "hello b*tches and b*stards. Mums upstairs stuffing sh*t on her face and dads in the kitchen f*cking the turkey".

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You know what makes me smile? Face muscles.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Um...thats impossible because chickens live on farms theyre are no roads....

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Uh, summa lumma dooma lumma you assuming I'm a human What I gotta do to get it through to you I'm superhuman Innovative and I'm made of rubber, so that anything you say is Ricochet in off a me and it'll glue to you And I'm devastating more than ever demonstrating How to give a motherfuckin' audience a feeling like it's levitating Never fading, and I know that haters are forever waiting For the day that they can say I fell off, they'll be celebrating 'Cause I know the way to get 'em motivated

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what do u say to a man walking down the street nothing, u shouldnt talk to strangers

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A man went to his doctor and said, "Doctor, every time I hit my hand with a hammer, it hurts!" Then both him and his doctor died; so it didn't matter.

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Two blonds walk into a building....they couldnt see it.

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Batman and Superman switched sidekicks. Superman didn't want Robin.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he clearly has an owner that doesn't fence him in.

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On a scale of one to 10, F*ck yourself.

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Why did Bob drop his ice cream? Because he got hit with a super models TIttys

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Two blondes get in a taxi. Who's driving? The taxi driver.

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A Jew and a German walk into a bar.

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If you are riding on a broomstick and it breaks in the middle of the ocean... How many pieces of toast does it take to fill a light house? Purple, because Oranges cannot fly.

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Yo momma so ugly that she had self esteem issues and committed suicide, making her husband extremely depressed.

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What's worse than a bee sting? A katon.

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what do you tell a woman with one black eye? "sorry about that wild ball, you played a fantastic softball game otherwise"

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What's better than wining the para Olympics? Wining the Olympics.

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Why did the boy get hit by a bus? Because he was standing in front of the bus.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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