David shut the fuck up your cat has asthma and i dropped a weight on its little fucking head that pikey should of drowned it furthermore your sister looks like a greasy alien

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

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Friends are like trees, they fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe. N

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If you listen to Justin Beiber all day long, what do you become? Very hungry and thirsty. And you need to go to the restroom.

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What's the best thing about having sex with twenty six year old's? I am twenty one and prefer older ladies as I find them more experienced and mature.

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"Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "I am." "Okay, come in."

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A blonde, ginger, and brunette took the SAT. They all performed successfully and were admitted into their colleges of choice.

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(To the tune of Perry the Platypus) He's a completely retarded Allosaurus of action! A purple dopey dimwit who always giggles away! He never does anything But children's songs he does sing And the little kids squeal whenever they hear him say... *i love you, you love me* He's Barney! Barney the Dinosaur!

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Why did the woman scream when she saw the mouse? Because she's afraid of technology.

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Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? They do, they just choose not to compete certain years.

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What's cute and smokes? A cute person with a nicotine addiction.

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How did Jesus walk on water? He was Jesus

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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why do the jewish guy and italian girl talk? i dont know why any decent minded italian would talk to a jew so i don't know.

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- Knock knock - Excuse me, I don't have time, my house is on fire ! - We're the firemen.

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How do you make a doctor cry? Kill his family.

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roses are red violets are blue i have five fingers the middle ones for you

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" Not Sally because she has no arms ~Sally jokes

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Q: How do you make a fireman cry?? A: Drown his wife

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Why do you never see hippopotamus hiding in trees? They are really good at it.

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What is worse than something terrible happening to you? That same thing happening to me of course... Duh...

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Science debated on whether Dinosaur hide was like leather But though quite absurd They thought, like a bird Velociraptor was covered in feathers.

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why do leprecon's laugh when they run through the grass? because it tickel's their balls

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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