whats the same about a spider and a grape? they both have eight legs, except for the grape.

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what smelss like crap.... CRAP dose DUH

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Knock Knock *Opens door* Hi John, you got here right on time!

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if you have 5 oranges and 15 ice cubes, how many pancakes can you fit on the roof? red, because aliens dont wear shirts.

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two scientists walk into a bar. one says, "i want h2o." the other says, "i want h2o too." the bartender gives them both water and nobody dies because he is not irresponsible enough to give someone concentrated hydrogen peroxide as a drink.

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What's brown and seven feet tall? A door

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Chinese food tastes so oriental sometimes, sort of like asian food

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A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving? The taxi driver.

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Why did the pencil break? A Viking destroyed it with his beard.

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What did the man say after falling off the bridge? Nothing. He died a painful and terrible death on impact.

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What did the lawyer name his daughter? Amanda.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Finding an apple in your worm.

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How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? The woodchuck's ability to chuck has been left indeterminable. Therefore until the wood chuck's prowess in wood chucking is brought to light we must leave it a variable. Using the coefficient (L) to represent wood that can possibly be chucked. Then using (C) to represent the life cycle of said wood chuck chucking. We are also assuming this woodchuck will remain vigilante and not require food or sleep for the entire duration of chucking ultimately lowering is maximum chucking output. From this we can determine the W.C.P.S. (wood chucks per second). Finally subtract the remaining wood (RW) from the chucked total and we have rendered that : L(W.C.P.S) - (C -RM/t) = X

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Knock, knock (No one was home)

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What happens when you leave Toby alone in your house? He eats your carpet, some pillows, ur dog, ned, neds dog and a glass panel. This is why 2 +h = plugger +Mount Everest (I is potato annoying). Bonjour.

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Giant scorpions, red roses, adoption, the holocaust, bars, changing light bulbs, and fridges.

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A 21 year old man walks into a bar with a vase of 12 roses. 57 years later he died after a lengthy battle with colon cancer.

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Why didn't the Mother packed her son's lunch? Because her son Timmy likes to go to the canteen

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Why did a blond killed herself? She couldnt find a corner in a round room.

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Why did the retirement home go out of business. There was a fire and all of the residents charred to death accept for a couple who escaped but were too traumatized to return to the old folks home.

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What is white and weighs twice as much as Shamoo? My ass.

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A: Knock Knock! B: Come in!

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What did one say to the other woman? I have a penis

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What did the moose say to the hunter? I don't know, what? Nothing, a moose is an animal therefore it can't say anything.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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