A Johnson walks into a hole. Why am I in this hole? Because rape is not an option.

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What happened to the gay guy? He died of aids...

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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? One, its not a difficult task.

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columbus laid an egg. he was very proud of it, but the other dudes ate it.

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? "Men, get on the ship."

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Whats long and hard? a pole

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What has 2 legs, a heart and a conscience? YER MA

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Your momma so fat.... She's at risk of cardiovascular disease. You should take her to a nutritionist.

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How did the man eat 100 mints in one bite? I'm not sure myself, but we can agree on one thing, his breath is gonna fresh.

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why does andy speak when not spoken too because he wants a smack

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iff god whas funny why thit he let your mother be raped and your sister murdered en iff satan whos a ice cream will he taste sweet ?

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Parents were talking about a particular whore house and tries to keep it secret to their son. Father: Bob and I saw the house near the river, its a whore house full of prostitutes. Mother: Shhh! Our son is listening. The Son enters the room. Son: Don't mind me, I know that area. Both parents were angry: So you've been there!? Don't deny, you know! Son: Just because I know doesn't mean I've been there. I know the moon has less gravity but I haven't been there.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Ok good, just checking. It would be a shame for your perishable foodstuffs to go bad.

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Why did the milkman wear a white belt? To keep his pants up.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?... To get to the other side.

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Get the FREE anti jokes app with loads and loads of anti jokes anywhere you go, even offline! All the funniest and most popular, and loads more new ones. Why not? After all, it's free! http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/hilarious-anti-jokes-lite/id438092279?mt=8&ls=1

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says "get out you jew!" The bar tender apparently was a Nazi.

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What do you call a Nazi in an airplane? Above sea level

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Roses are red, Violates are blue. I have an erection, and its lasted more then three hours

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What do you call a deer with no eyes? Anything you like, he's blind.

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I've got a tip for the ladies. Or if you like I can put the whole thing

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What happens when you feed a Mini-horse a Happy Meal? If it doesn't die choking on the plastic toy included in the meal, It will most likely develop a terminal case of horse diabetes and suffer through a slow painful dying process.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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