Why were the police chasing the black man? Because he was in such a poor financial state that the bank foreclosed his house and now he has no source of income and therefore no way to purchase basic living requirements, so he was forced to steal in order to provide food for his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Q: What do you call a innocent black man that was shot 403 times by the cops when they asked for his ID and somehow assumed he was gonna reach for a gun? A: Deceased Texan.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

There was 3 friends named Crap, Manners, and Shut up. They all had mental mothers.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

why was the carrot sad? it was stuck in an antelopes anus

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? It's hard to say, as this number depends on a large number of factors including the average area covered by one lick, the pH of saliva, the solubility of Tootsie Pops, the temperature of both the saliva and the Tootsie Pop, and the amount of saliva deposited on the Tootsie Pop after each lick. This is not to mention all the manufacturing irregularities that may occur during production, and varying tongue shapes and solvency properties of saliva.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Whats the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One is fun to smash with a hammer. The other is a watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

How did the Jewish husband and stay together forever? They didn't. They ended up in divorce like 50% of all other married couples due to irreconcilable differences.

thumb_up thumb_down

Two pretzels were walking down an alley way, one was assaulted. In a instinctive move, the other quickly ran away and alerted the authorities. The assaulted pretzel was severely injured but slowly recovered covered from physical trauma and has now sought professional help to deal with it's great deal of post traumatic stress.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

i just cant stand up to cripple jokes

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do a bicycle and a platypus have in common? They both have wheels, except the platypus doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How to make deep fried chicken. Step 1: Go to your local swimming pool. Step 2: Throw a dead chicken into the deep end. Step 3: Strike the chicken with lightning. Step 4: Remove your newly fried chicken. Enjoy!

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike? Because Lucy didn't like Mia and shot her in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

If you and Chuck Norris have five dollars you both have the same amount of money.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

There was a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. They are spending a relaxing afternoon together as a result of being restricted to their heavy therapeutic sessions which they are constantly in need of because all three have been diagnosed with clinic depression since everyone jokes about them so much and in conclusion, they don't see each other very often.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Whats big black and hairy? A large black dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Q: What did Bob want for dinner? A: Cheese Burger, Fries, Coke, No Beverage

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Far from, yet all organizations are money based and put capitalism in front of all, so if lets say, one organization, needs help from another, a money transaction is made, I play a role there, as a well... Diplomat, its not my title, but my title is something I cannot reveal to anyone, not even my wife, id be putting myself and people in danger, but since I master things such as hypnosis, I can well, influence people, this is how I can pull of favors myself. Not favors such as "kill that guy for me", but more like... In your case. "If you are going to kill the wizard, please let the rest be, I know they are good people"

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why was the mexican ugly? -UR MOM!

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

thumb_up thumb_down +8

what do you call a fish with no gills? Dead

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why didn't the boy's parents throw him a birthday party? Because his father is in jail for drug possession and his mother is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

mary poppins' handbag is full of fuckin dick

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the girl drop her sucker? she was hit by a truck!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops