Are you kidding? If you can slow down time when stressed, then that means that your perception of time is, well... Oh relative, but still wow! What about now though? Can you do it? And for curiosity`s sake, what if you jumped off a roof? Would the stress make it all really slow?

thumb_up thumb_down +18

I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet... ...then I made fun of him and laughed.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

a pan of muffins comes out of the oven one muffin says "hey im really burnt" another muffin says "oh my gosh! a talking muffin!"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

what is black and green and rainy all over? the democratic republic of congo

thumb_up thumb_down +18

My wife asked me to prepare our son for his first day of school. He's a ginger so I punched him in the face, and stole his lunch money.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

- Knock knock. - Who's there? - Jehovah - Jehovah who? - Jehovah's Witness - Go f*** yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Whats funnier than a guy in a wheelchair? A guy on the floor squirming to get back in his wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q:why did the boy not have to walk his dog? A: because the dog and the rest of his family died in a terrible house fire while he was away at summer camp.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What's funnier than a joke book? 2 joke books.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, He cracked his skull and died on impact. He will be missed.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did Carl the cat die? he didnt. he's still alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the black man go to jail? He stole some rice.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the chicken do? He crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they

thumb_up thumb_down +6

So a man walks into a bar, right?

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did the women get after valentines day? An abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Brain fart

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you do if your walking into a room full of Lions and Jaguars? You stop walking.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock knock. Use the doorbell, dumbass.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Whats worse then getting caught in the rain with no umbrella? Aids.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center? Pepperoni

thumb_up thumb_down +12

"The only thing worse than being talked about is getting AIDS." -Oscar Wilde

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what do you get when you cross do you get when you cross a banana and a monkey? one happy monkey

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops