How do you kill a blonde? Choke her.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there happened to be road in the vicinity of the fowl and the odds of the bird crossing it is very high.

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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What's the difference between Nelly and Common? One of them is an artist and one of them is a businessman.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in Milwaukee? They woke him up.

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roses are red so are the jews every one loved that holocaust news

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Have you ever heard of Yoda? From 'Attack of the Clones'?

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What happens to a banana after it gets sunburnt? It peels.

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Whats green and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A golf course

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what do babies and prostitutes have in common they will both cry if you hit them with a brick

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Wanna hear a dirty joke? I had gay butt sex.

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Yo mama's so fat, she had a lap-band procedure.

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Patient- Doctor! I feel like a piece of ****! Doctor- What is ****? Patient- It's four dots on the computer screen representing a curse word. Doctor- What computer screen?

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Interrupting Doctor Interru--- You Have Cancer...

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Sometimes i like to paint myself red and then curl up into a ball and pretend i'm a tomato.

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Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1

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Teacher: What is 1+1? Student: 2 Teacher: Next time raise your hand before answering a question.

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Q. How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Lets go ride bikes

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what do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill Exercise

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what red black and white al over? a t.v I was kidding about the red part

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what did the frog say to the plane HE NO CRY SO I CRY FOR HIM

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A family walks into a talent agent's office. They do a cute family-friendly performance that they call "The Aristocrats."

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a show horse jumps over a bar

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How do you make etheopians rave ? glue bread to the roof

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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