Why did the hipster burn his mouth on a piece of pizza? Because the pizza was on fire.

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Q. What do you call a child with no friends or family A. Adopted

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i just pooped that is all!

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A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

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why didnt the little boy say goodbye to his mom because he got hit by a bus

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Jake likes to have tickle parties with McCauley Culkin.

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Marrage s like a card game. You start off with 2 hearts and 1 diamond. You end up wishing for a club and a spade!

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what does wtf stand for? what? i was asking you!

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And love is, bein' the owner of a company that makes rape whistles and even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape, now you don't wanna reduce it at all cuz if the rape rate declines you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales. Without rapists, who's gonna buy your whistles? Who's gonna buy your whistles? Love is all about whistles.

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Why couldn't little Suzie snap her fingers? Her stepfather cut off her fingers after becoming a drunk and leaving her family.

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How do you know a man is Jewish? Because he told you or you met him in a synagogue.

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A white man, a black man, and a mexican were stranded in a giant dessert, They were quick to notice the spelling error and ate happily for a few days

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whats green and lives in the water

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A horse walks into a bar the barkeeper asks 'Why the long face?' The horse, incapable of speaking English, walked around in a circle, excreated and left.

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This is my joke. funny

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A fish didn't walk into a bar, because fish cannot walk.

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Knock knock (No one is home)

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What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13 for violence and mild nudity.

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What do you get when you cross a zombie with a beer? Nothing because zombies are just another subject dealing with the occult.

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How do you stop a baby from drowning? Take your foot off its head.

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What did Bobby get for Christmas? Nothing, Bobby is an orphan and has no friends.

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What's blue and can't have sex? A blueberry

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What you do if you poo out a slug? Eat it.

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how many Alzheimer's patients does it take ti screw in a lightbulb? to get to the other side

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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