How do you get a clown off a swing set? You throw an axe at his head when he's not looking.

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whats big and green, andif it falls from a tree , it can kill you? a golfcourse

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What comes out of a zit? Purple poop.

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What do Japan and Haiti have in common? They are both islands.

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Why was the little boy sad? He tried to dry off his puppy in the oven.

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Suicide is never funny Unless it's a clown

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What's worse than a dead baby? 2 dead babies

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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What's red, white, and black, and spins around and around? A penguin in a blender

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Moralman... Seriously man, take it easy, my name is Nero, yes I play dual identities sometimes, it is only in order to convey my hidden messages to my people. I am deeply sorry to admit that those that assaulted you where indeed from my order, they have been prosecuted by the law and excluded from our order.

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Roses are black, violets are black, we are all black Shit i'm colour blind

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How do you stop a black man from drowning? Bring him to shore and, if you are certified, perform cpr.

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Hi.

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Three penguins sitting in a tub. The first penguin says to the third penguin, "Hey would you pass the soap?" The penguin in the middle says, "What do you think I am a typewriter?"

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What did the catholic priest say to the naked boy where are your clothes?

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what did the dog say to the retarded black guy ? bark

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some weirdo nerd was just convicted of a hit and run Just kidding. All he did was suffocate your dad with a whoopee cusion.

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What did the devil say to the baby with four arms? I am evil.

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Q. Whats Brow and rhymes with Snoop? A Dr. Dre

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Q: Why was the man upset? A: He was kidnapped. Two cruel men tied him to a chair in an unknown location. This man was mistaken for someone who was planning to steal a big drug shipment. They beat him unmerciful, shocked him, and hit him in the head with a hammer, and threw him out in the street, with the belief of his death occurring. A driver stopped to help the man into the nearby hospital. The man was questioned about the physical appearance and whereabouts of these criminals. He remembered nothing, and sadly, they got away with this horrible crime.

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marble

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Why can't Larry drive? Because he doesn't have his license, and his temps expired!

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What's the difference between Hitler and Stalin? Nothing because pineapples aren't vegetables.

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What do you get when Johnson cooks toast? Shit toast.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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