A man walks into a bar and says ouch, as he stubbed his foot when he became fully enclosed in the tavern.

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When life gives you lemons....you probably just FOUND lemons...

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What do you tell your friend who has been cheating on his wife? You're a terrible human being, and she deserves better!

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A man walked into a bar, he was meeting his friends but was half an hour early, so he went down the road and got a burger. He had recently began dieting to maintain a healthy weight, but had trouble with self control. 30 years later he would gamble away his family's life savings and then go onto live a long and unfulfilled life.

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Your Mother

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What happened when a saxophone hit Sally? She had a concussion.

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what's the funniest joke? wish i knew

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what do you call a dog with no legs? whatever his owner named him it is a shame he can`t run and play with other dogs.

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Why was Andy's resume declined? Because he was molested as a child.

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What did the black man do in the Italian Pub? He gave a 20% tip and couldn't have been more courteous.

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A Man buys a Prius. Hated it.

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What happens when you shoot a bear and you kill it? It dies.

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How many feminist does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it in, the other to suck a dick.

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What did the young girl get for Christmas? Violently raped and murdered by her abusive father.

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whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A: a pizza is a food that was created in italy and is regularly eaten daily around the world and a jew is a religion that is constantly criticized and made fun of because they are different.

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Why did the dog have no legs? Because its previous owner had cut them off.

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A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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Hey wanna hear joke? ........ yeah .......me too

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Why did the little pig squeal? Because he was going through blades at a slaughter house.

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How do you call the smallest mouse on Earth? James.

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what is brown and wet? Muddy water

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Why did the student shoot his teacher? Because he was super depressed and was just diagnosed with stage four brain cancer. And he was black.

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Whats worse than seeing your mom naked. Your dad.

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"Why did Suzie fall off the swing?" "She had no arms." "What did Suzie get for Christmas?" "Cancer." "What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a tub of dead babies?" "I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage." "What did Suzie get for Christmas from me?" "My tub of dead babies."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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