An irish man walks into a bar. He drinks responsibly, and leaves shortly afterward.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a blank white sheet of paper? Printer paper most likely

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why cant i stand up? Cause i shat my pants

thumb_up thumb_down -25

So a blond, a brunette, a ninja, a pirate, a priest, a rabbi, a mathematician and an engineer all walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What, is this some kind of joke?"

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Did you know Helen Keller had a Playground in her back yard? Neither did she.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A blind man walks into a bar. He backs up, takes two steps to the right, and walks around the bar rubbing his forehead.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

if there is a circle of fat people and you throw a cookie in the middle of the circle. It will be the best game of hungry hungry hippos you will ever see.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why was Emily in Alaska? Because she and some friends had been playing Simon Says at a birthday party, and the dad had said 'Simon Says go to Alaska'.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: what do you call a camel with a garbage bag on its head? A: A ziploc baggie

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? Lawyers exist, are alive and despite all claims to the contrary, can withstand sunlight, garlic and the sign of the cross. They also have reflections and whilst they may eat black pudding from time to time they don't depend on blood as a source of nutrition.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How is an elephant like a grape? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? In most people who lie eyebrows may raise, eyes may widen and gaze may alter, anal sphincter usually tightens, breathing often quickens marginally, external body temperature alters and sweat (and therefore skin electrical conductivity) increases.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man falls off a building and dies on Impact

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What is cold? Winter

thumb_up thumb_down +18

10 people walk into a bar. 6 hours later, 3 more people walk into the bar. There are now 12 people in the bar, and one corpse in the dumpster out back.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what do u call a gay bird a gaybird

thumb_up thumb_down +9

You know why one side of the "v" formation of a flock of geese is longer don't you? Cause it has more geese in it.

thumb_up thumb_down

69

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Oh wait i screwed up, Because of u

thumb_up thumb_down -30

A black man is pulled over doing 66 in a 65 zone. He asks the officer what the problem is and the officer says his left tail light is out

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why are anti jokes so repetitive? Because you're reading too many, get off your computer.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Sometimes when I'm horny, I put vinegar on my diick

thumb_up thumb_down -26

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Knock knock whos there? A dead black man ... i farted

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops