What does shit and fire have in common? Hitler gave both to jews.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Betty. Answer the door!

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Its crackers to slip a rozer and dropsey in snide.

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A woman walks into a bar and orders a pint of ale. "Are you a Lesbian?", joked the barman. "Yes", replied the woman.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have altzeimer's, Cheese on toast

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Why was the blonde so stupid? She suffers a severe case of retardation.

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How come the bartender didnt let the black guys in the bar Because the bar was closed.noone was aloud in the bar

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Come in

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Why did the black man go to the store? To get milk and eggs because he was running out of those items

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Q: What did the black man, the white man, the hispanic man, and the english man have in common? A: They all enjoyed broccoli.

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What did the passive-aggressive woman do to her husband? She killed him. As it turns out, the slight passive-aggressive behavior she was showing was actually an early sign of a dangerous sociopathic mental disorder. The authorities are looking for her as we speak.

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How do you stop a bus? Press the brakes

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How did the Jewish man play racquetball? With a racket and a birdie.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Thats a matter of opinion

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"hey do you know the date" "58"

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What's big, hard, in the water, and isolated? Shutter Island

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Yo momma is so stupid, she is in rehab and will unlikely get over her mental illness leading to her soon and fatal death.

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what did the guy say on friday ? ah man im so glad its not monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday sunday he then threw a horse at a plane while moonwalking on a star that was riding a duck that was on a rabbit. Sir jumpalot was working overtime as he had to pay for a free phone

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Why not?

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How many theropists does it take to change a lightbulb? -only one, but it takes a very long time and the lightbulb has to want to change.

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Q.What did the anti-joke reader say to the doctor? A-My finger is stuck on the dislike button.

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Why is this funny? cause it is funny

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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