Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? -- Because it was dead Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? -- Because it was stapled to the squirrel

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What do you call a monkey? A monkey.

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roses are red that fact is true but violets are violet not fu***** blue

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So, there was two monkeys sitting in a bath tub one says "Hey, could you pass the soap?" the other says "what do I look like a typewriter?"

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steve walked into a bar, what happened next? A: He fell down.

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How is matt and alicia going last after summer They won't

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A man entered into a house, because it hadn't any door.

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What does Harry Potter love? Magic

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say cheese

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Why was Mary's turkey dry on Thanksgiving dinner? Because she left it in the oven too long.

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What do you get when you cross a shark and a squid Nothing thats impossible

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Why did the car break down? Because breakfast was done.

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why couldnt luke open the door? he had no arms

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What did the plane say to the twin towers on 9/11 - Nothing, how do you expect planes to talk, stop hallucinating and stop with the drugs

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Error 37.

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What do you call a baby impaled on a stick? Lunch.

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If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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Whats the definition of not winning? Charlie sheen losing custody of his son because he is a coked out, old man douche bag, who only gets told what he wants to hear because he forks out lots of money to gold digging hookers.

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Why did the monkey eat his own poop? Because there was minimal resources where he was so he resorted to eat his own fecal matter

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What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree and lands on you, you'd die? A pool table.

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are you saying pam, or pan?

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Your momma is so fat, she should be concerned about her increased risk if a heart attack because of her poor eating habits.

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lol

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Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks. The rest of the bar patrons are thoroughly confused.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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