How do you tell identical twins apart? You can't. They look identical.

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What happens when you cut down a tree? It falls down.

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So after 2 years of dating, the man thought the woman actually loved him. So to find out they took a ski trip and during their day they were on the chairlift and the man asked the woman "Do you love me?" The woman replied "No...I'm just in it for the sex, but that's a nice ski mask you have on"

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Q) what do girls like long , soft (can go hard) and has white stuff come out A) Twinkies but if left out of its plastic wrapping for a long period of time it will go hard

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Why did Jimmy go to a Barbershop for the first time? He needed a haircut, and the salon next to his house was closed because of financial problems

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WHY CANT THE ENGLISH MAN FIND HIS.....PANTS? BECAUSE HE NEEDED TO LOOK HARDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! LOOK HARDER ENGLISHMAN!!!!!!!!LOOK HARDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yell this joke out loud and u will realize that its really funny!!! ^-^

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Dear Jim, I have a problem with my Hymen... "Jim'll fix it for you..."

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Why did the plane crash? Cause the pilot was a loaf of bread

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How many footballs fit in a glass of liquid. none, this football is HUGE!!!

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What do you call a dog that can't pass an Algebra test? A dog.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? I'm a talking banana; what more do you want from me?

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Why does the Pentagon have twice as many toilets built as is legally obliged? Racial segregation

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What did Batman tell Robin when they got to Gotham City? -Robin, we got to Gotham City.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I told him to. I'm very influential.

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whats yellow and cant swim? a bulldozer,

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How many fat people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to hold the ladder, another to screw it in. The third one stands to the side, just in case it breaks.

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Your as much use as Anne Frank's drum kit.

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Q: What's a Mexican's favorite sport? A: Cross Country

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A man walks into a bar. I don't know what happened next because I was waiting outside for my friend.

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What time will the little girl get up for school? Never, she died in her sleep.

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roses are blue violets are blue everything is blue I'm sad now

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"Knock knock" "The doors open" "Oh, okay"

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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