Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because it was a hammer.

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Have you seen stevie wonders new house No Niether has he

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead

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what meows and is fuzzy and smells like manure? a cat being being killed with a chainsaw next to a cow

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Beans, beans, they're good for your heart, Because they contain antioxidants and help to lower your cholesterol.

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Why did the kid jump? He didn't.

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Two elephants walk off of cliff.... BOOM BOOM!

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How do you make a dog say meow? Freeze it and put it through a woodchipper. (MEROWRRRR)

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How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? Spray paint it blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? It's everybody in the world telling you to stop re-using this joke.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders house?. No, Well neither has he...

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What did the man say when he found out he had cancer? Nothing. He was so in shock, that he later died from another type of cancer.

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why can't timmy tie his shoes? Because timmy's an earth-worm

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Q: What does a really poor kid say to his friends? A: I hate over working for 75 cents an hour...

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? Sex.

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Why'd Sam run away Because charlie bit his finger

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Q:the is a mexican and a black guy in the car who id driving? A:the cop

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Two hillbillies are sitting in a van. It's friday and one of them suggests they should play a game of 20 Questions. The other one agrees. The first hillbilly thinks of the word 'donkey dick'. - Is it something you can eat? the second hillbilly asks. - Yes, the first one replies. - Is it a donkey dick? - Yes.

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Japanese study of the stereotypical Italian under scientifical environment: Japanese: Test one: Hello! Italian: AHAHA HOHOO! WHOPPIE! ME IS MARIO MARIO I AM MAGIC MUSHROOM EATING PLUMBER! I AMMA GONNA JUMP ON YOU (AND gRAPE YOU!) Japanese: ACTIVATE FLAMETHROWERS GET! Italian: AHAHAHAHAHOOOOOOOOOOO! Japanese: OMG ITALIAN IS STRONG! ACTIVATE TRAP DOOR! ITALIAN: *falls down door* MAMA MIA! OH NOH! Japanese: Puh! BEWARE OF ITALIAN STEREOTYPE! Experiment two:Japanese experiment with in actual Italia: Japanese: Hello Mr Itali... Italian: Are you looking at me? Japanese: Uh well I... Italian: ARE YOU LOOKING AT MEEE? WHO GAVE YOU THE BALLS TO LOOK ME IN THE EYES EH? Japanese: Balls? Uh my mother when she gave birth to... Italian: I SAID WHO GAVE YOU THE BALLS TO TALK TO ME! ITALIANS ARE DANGEROUS!

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What did the apple say to the carrot? Nothing, apples don't talk

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How do you get rid of door knocker? You run at them with a chainsaw.

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sally has no arms knock knock who's there not sally

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If someone tells you to look behind you do you? No

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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