How do you stop a run-away bus? You sit down in the driver's seat and gently place your foot on the brake pedular and proceed to press it down. The brake pads, located in the calipers, will squeeze the brake discs and slow the bus eventually to stop at the crosswalk for the old lady accompanied by a young boy scout to cross the street and continue their wonderful lives.

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I baked you a pie! Oh boy! What flavor? Apple.

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What do you get if you pour water over a firework? A wet firework

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What's the difference between my mom, and a bag of garbage? A bag of garbage is incapable of contracting aids

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Why is America such a great place to live? It's not North Korea.

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A girl asked a guy if he thought she was pretty, He said 'No'. She asked him if he would want to be with her forever. He said 'no'. She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, Once again, he replied 'no'. She had heard enough. As she walked away, tears streaming down her face the boy grabbed her arm and said.. 'Asking emotionally charged hypothetical questions that are completely irrelevant to the prior conversation is known as fishing for compliments. Except, your tears seem to reflect a more serious inner emotional neediness. I suggest you seek a psychologist.'

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How did the blonde girl get pregnant? Her boyfriend used a condom left in his pants and then was washed. Making it defective and causing her her to become pregnant.

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Q:how many ping-pong balls do you need te get a crocodile off of a slide ? A:none, because an engine doesn't have doors

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What is big, red, and eats rocks? Big Red that eats rocks. -For Abel

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Why was Sally lying on the ground? Cause she was dead

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What's the difference between a melon? One of its halves are both the same.

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i heard something so funny it made me crap my pants you were a mistake

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What's the difference between a white person and a black person? The presence of melanin in their skin, as well as often their socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds.

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Hello, this is Chuck Norris speaking.

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What is the best way to eat a dead baby? I don't know. That is incredibly disgusting.

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Why couldn't the drunken man walk in a straight line? Because someone shot him in the face.

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Why couldn't the kitten drink from its water bowl? Its face was stapled to the floor.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got ran over by a car

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How do you make a tissue dance? You really can't, but you could grab it and shake it around so it looks like its dancing.

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What's for dinner tonight? Your mom's vagina.

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? This isn't a car

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what do you do when you see a black man punching a girl? act like you dont see it and get the hell out of harms way

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what did the child say to his mother? daddy raped me!

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I like dogs. Lots of dogs. Meow.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops