People made fun of a plant for walking into a bar. Little did they know it hadn't been watered for days.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, There are so many different endings to this, it makes me just wanna Shoot Myself!

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Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: BABABABABA BABABA RARARA LALALA ETC YOU GOT THE DRILL Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY!Ungrateful kids. Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Sociopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.Heck if you look at episode 34 you can see a tall handsome dude choking the life of a little boy in the background, and then letting him go just before he passes out and chokes him again? FUN FOR HOURS!

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Blue fish occasionally consume large amopunts of the insides of oak trees.

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Why did the little girl drop her ice cream cone? She got hit by a bus.

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How do you keep a black man from robbing your house? Lock your doors, or perhaps get a update-to-date security system.

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A man jumped off a 30 story building. What did he learn? Nothing. He died instatly when he hit the ground.

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How many dead babies can fit in the trunk of my car? Seven.

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a white guy walks into a bar luckily he is not an alcoholic and knows when to safely stop drinking and already gave his keys to a friend.

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69

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Whats worse the losing your 3 kids, your lovely beautiful wife, and your trusty dog, all your belongings and in a house fire while you're at work? Nothing

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How do you stop an asshole from being an asshole toward you? Shoot him in the head.

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Reverse psychology never fails.

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Looking for a job in this economy is like trying to find employment during an extreme economic downturn.

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Why can't Lake Mossman find his penis? Because he's a fat ass, and he doesn't have any arms.

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You know what's worse than finding a worm inside an apple? finding crack, too late to spit it out.

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Why was Adam sad his dog got ran over? He was holding the dog.

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Yo mommas so fat they had to change 'one size fits all' to 'one size fits most'

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What do a dog and a fork have in common? They both have tails. Except for the fork.

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what's worse than stubbing your toe on cement being a Jew during the holcaust

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Guy: If you can guess what's in my hand, you can have it. Girl: If it fits in one hand, you can keep it!

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Yeah, and speaking about spiderman, I got some weird senses, when I get stressed things begin seeming slower, and gets a weird blur effect, not sure what it is, but if you know what "bullet hell video games are" Technically games where you play as a tiny spaceship and lots of bullets fly around, I was always awesome at those games as a kid, because the more stress I felt while playing, the slower my perception of time felt.

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What's similar about a black person and an apple? Nothing, an apple is a fruit. It has nothing to do with hanging from trees.

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Why didn't the boy get any presents for christmas? There is no Santa Claus.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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