What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.

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An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

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Yo mama is... a very nice person, and her cooking is exquisite.

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What happened to the blond that went to collage? She got her masters degree and became a brain surgeon.

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What do you call your mom after she brings a guy home from a bar? A very caring woman because she doesn't want him driving drunk.

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why did the child fail to make his bed? because he has downs syndrome and he is incapable of participating in everyday activities.

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Hey i just met u And this is crazy I have Alzheimer's Hey i just met u

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why did the Chinese guy take steroids? He didn't he's naturally small.

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A black guy walks into a kkk meeting.

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Why couldn't the old man read the street sign? Because there were no words. Just an arrow designating a trun up ahead.

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them

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What's the difference between a clever trick and a computer programmer? A clever trick throws you for a loop, and a computer programmer throws you a for loop.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue. I have narcolepsy.

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What do Tutankhamun and Elvis Presley have in common? They're dead

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Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yea, let's go bury it!"

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What do a duck and a tricycle have in common? They both have wheels. Except for the duck.

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as i unscrewed my belly button and suddenly my butt fell off

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Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

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whats green and slimy? green slim

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How many dyslexics does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dyslexia is a cognitive learning disability characterized by the sufferer's inability to fluently spell, speak and read. Being a intellectual disability, the chances that dyslexia could impair the practical functionality of a sufferer are very slim and hence it it is highly probable that it would only take one dyslexic to change a light bulb in the simplest of conditions. However, to definitively answer this question, I would have to know a range of variables such as the height above the ground at which the light socket is mounted, the physical height of the dyslexic, the voltage and amp characteristics of the light-bulb itself, the physical well-being of the dyslexic etc. These variables are unknown, are not mentioned in the initial question (as is common for this type of question) and hence, I cannot answer this question to any degree of accuracy.

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I'm not wearing any underwear. Why? Because I am have built in underwear. ;)

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How do you get babys to paint a house? depends on how hard you throw them

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How do you wake Lady Gaga up? You poke-er--face....pokerface.

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As I sat waiting for the doctor to return with my final prognosis, I began contemplating my own mortality. Looking inside myself, one question continued to haunt me: “What’s the X-ray technician going to do when he walks in and sees me messing with the equipment?”

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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