Man hears son masturbating in room. The dad enters the room and tells him "Son if you keep jacking off you will go blind". The boy replies "Dad I"m over here".

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Inquiry: After the specially hired detective in shades of black had managed to finish his secret investigation of the crime scene, what significant affair did he demand and expect to subsequently occur next in the logical chain of events? Answer: A specific transaction of money. To elaborate, immediate providance of previously allotted recompense in the particular configuration of myriad pristine wads of cash.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you call a Mexican that swam across the border? An illegal immigrant.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

knock knock who's there who who who and if u say something about an I will punch u in the face u stupid cike!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Guy 1: Hey, did you hear about this blind guy who went bungee jumping off a bridge? Guy 2: No, what happened? Guy 1: He couldn't see Jack!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

You wanna know what sucks about your face? . . Everything.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the bird fall? It was an ostrich

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Darude- Sandstorm

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Jose gutierrez is a gay fish.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the mushroom go to the party??? Cuzz he was a fungi (fun guy)

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I took your mother out to a fine seafood dinner. I never called her again.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

So a man walks into a bar, He says, "Hey bartender! Can I have some beer?" The bartender says, "Sure!" and hands the man a Bud Light. The man drinks the Bud Light and leaves afterward.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why didn't the Baby wake up? Because it was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How did the person die? He got hit by a car.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

You know what's funny? A bucket full of dead babies. Do you know what's funnier? The last one is still alive and crying.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the catholic priest get sent to jail? Tax evasion.

thumb_up thumb_down +1,291

What's worse than having the name Riley Bathurst? being shot in the head by a black guy.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

a person who will soon die of beeties

thumb_up thumb_down +3

So a guy walks into a bar and says, "I can hold a spoon in between my butt-cheeks." Jillian Michaels asked him if that will help him lose weight.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you do if you see a black man in your backyard with a bullet wound in his head? Take him to the hospital.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

What does the latin maid does when I tell har to clean behind the couch? Nothing, she doesn't speak English.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

What did the man say to his dead wife? "I'm Blind."

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops