- Anti Joke

Why didn't Michael Jackson celebrate his birthday? He's dead.

What did the mexican say to the other mexican? Hola.

Knock knock. Who's there? Awkward silence Awkward silence who? ...

Knock knock Who's there? April April who? April fools

Girl 1: I just can't find the man who'll make the perfect husband for me. Girl 2: Maybe you're asking for too much. Girl 1: Yeah, probably.

What did the T Rex say to the pterodactyl? ROIRWR!!!

Yo Momma So Fat!

That was totally mean! I mean I was in no way going to say any of that to you! Especially not the last part, sorry that must have been part of the suggestion or something, I barely ever tell myself stuff like that, I mean stop it okay? I mean I totally read it and all but I was all like "I am notnot typing that" please stop it, its humiliating.

A man walks into a bar falls into the street and gets run over. It was very tragic

11th September jokes are just plane wrong.

roses are red violets are blue i have AIDS now so do you.

Q-why did the dog run away? A-he was Michael vick's dog

Why dont blind people go skydiving? Because they dont live when they hit the ground

What's blue and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool? A dead baby, why's it there? I popped the arm bands.

Why'd the chicken cross the road? Its not for us to determine its motive, i'm sure it has its reasons

Stranger at door: Knock knock Oliver Twist: Who's there? Stranger at door: Not your parents.

how many terminaly ill 5 year old cancer patients does it take to burn to supply enough energy to make toast just 4.5 :)

What did the man with no teeth say? I need some teeth.

Why did the girl fall down the hill? Her boyfriend pushed her.

whats worse than a baby in a dumpster? A baby in ten dumpsters.

Q: What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Chrismas? A: Cancer

Why was the white man's girlfriend a whore? Because she engaged in sexual relations with a multitude of other men.

How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

penis

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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