What did the lemon say to the turtle? If you think the lemon said anything, something is wrong with you.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? depends on how thin you can slice them.

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Q-What's the good thing about dating a girl volleyball player? A- She's a Girl

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Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? A: Art.

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#IsaiahAfterAD&B

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What happen to the guy who didn't breathe A. He died

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What did the grape say to the bannana? Nothing.

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What did little Jimmy get for Christmas? Presents because he wasn't poor.

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Once upon a time, in a magical kingdom, there were too many similar jokes on anti-joke.com. One man thought he could be funny by writing a joke that referenced this, and be even funnier by referencing what he was referencing. Then he referenced that, then that, and so on until the layers of meta caused his brain to explode. Some of it landed in your mother's vagina.

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Why did the boy fail his midterm? he didnt study.

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What's worst then leaving a public toilet when you just took a shit and the toilet is now clogged Realising that the maid was waiting for you to get out to clean the toilet...

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A man walks into a bar and the barman says "Why the long face?" And the man replies "I am severely deformed".

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The following is neither a joke or anti-joke. It's a brainteaser. It's called the Monty Hall Problem. Suppose you're on a game show, and you're given the choice of three doors: Behind 1 door is a car; behind the other 2 doors are goats. You then choose a door. The host then opens another door and reveals a goat. He then says to you, "Do you want to stick with your choice or switch?" Is it to your advantage to switch your choice? The correct answer yes, switching gives you a better odds of winning. Why? There is a simple way to understand it without the mathematical demonstration. Suppose we have the three doors 1, 2 3 and the number 2 is the winner. If you choose not to change , of course the chances to win is 1/3. Now. what happens if you decide to change? The answer is that if you initially chose an incorrect door, you will always win. In the example, if you initially chose the door 1, the presenter will open door 3(because the door 2 is the winner so he can't open that door) So if you change you will win. The same happens if you initially chose door 3(the presenter will open door 1 and if you change you will win). You will only loose if you initially chose door 2(the presenter will open door 1 or 3, and when changing you will loose) So the conclusion is that if you always decide to change, if initially you have chosen ANY(and any in capital letters!) of the TWO incorrect doors you will win. So the chances when changing is 2/3.

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What's the difference between an orange? The horse because the vest has no sleeves.

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What's worse than 10 dead babies in 1 trash can 1 baby in 10 trash cans

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What do you call a school bus full of black people? Not a school bus

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How do you scare a lawyer? Threaten to kill his family.

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Why is the old lady crying? I threw a fridge at her.

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What did the blonde say when she fell out of a tree? Nothing, she shattered her trachea upon landing.

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One day, John ate some food. He quickly realized he had an upsetting feeling in his stomach, so he stopped eating food and used the restroom. Then he drew a picture.

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whats the difrence between a japaneese and chineese person? one is from japan and one is from china.

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Why did Billy fall off the slide? Someone threw a refridgerator at his face.

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Where did the girl go after the explosion? Everywhere

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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