What's the easiest way to get a cat out of a tree? Call the fire department and allow them to safely reach the cat and properly extract it from the tree while you watch from below.

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I once walked into my grandmas house to find her laying face down on the ground. It turns out that everyone was planking but grandma wasn't breathing...

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Eats shoots and leaves Pandas. If you can't figure this out then you're probably 12

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The father begins by juggling some balls. The mother pulls out her harmonica and begins playing "Dixie". The children and dog try and get the dog to jump through a hoop. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

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Dig a big hole in your front yard and wait next to it so when people walk by they'll ask "Why is there a hole in your front yard?" to whcih you will reply "I don't know. Do you wanna play Monopoly?"

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Q: What do you call someone who cant swim? A: A person that cant swim.

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Why was the boy hanging from the ceiling? He was sad

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A girl asks her best friends: Why are you only wearing one earring? The best friends replies: Because I took the other one out.

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Knock Knock Go Away

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Q: Why did the mom try to wake up a sleeping bag? A: Because it's morning and her kid is curled up inside fast asleep

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A Woman decides she wants to stop making sanwiches for her sexist boyfriend. She walks away and lives a happy life. In hell.

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Why did the aisian man get pulled over? Because he was going over the speed limit .

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Q: Why didn't the dirty man jump into the shower? A: Because he spotted the potential danger to jump into a slippery shower and proceeded with caution.

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Why did the clam not like to share? The deep sea is a competitive environment, where survival of the fittest is prominent.

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if a fat man in a red suit puts you in a bag at night. its not santa your getting raped

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What do you call a black guy that flies a plane? A pilot.

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what do you call skiediving? a very fun but moderatly dangerouse sport that many people have fun doing from the ages of 19 to 31

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? Because he was mauled by a tiger.

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Dear Jim, I have a problem with my Hymen... "Jim'll fix it for you..."

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Hi. P.S: You have aids. P.P.S: Purple penis pumpernickel pie puppets.

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There once was a student named Bob. Every morning he would rush to his job. But one day there was rain, He slipped in front of his train, There used to be a student named Bob.

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Q: What did the Goth-Punk girl write on her test for the question "What are three kinds of rock?" A: Igneous, Sedimentary, & Metamorphic, She is a 4.0 Geology Major attending a respectable University. She simply chooses to express herself through the musical and clothing trends that emerged in 1970's English underground music. In reality it her personal preferences in the aforementioned areas have no bearing on her intellectual or academic standing.

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What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupting cow wh- SHUT UP!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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