A man walked in to a bar, he ordered a few drinks, met some new friends and had a good laugh with them. Later that night, he got in his car and drove home, which was foolish, as he should have known that being under the influence of alcohol increases the percentage of a collision, which could take his life and the lives of others. He arrived home just fine and got in to bed with his wife who was happy to see him.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

GRAAAAAAAAAAAR.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Haikus are easy But they often dont make sense flying flamingos

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the man cry? Because his mom died in a terrible car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

what did the man write down? nothing,because at that time, his pen was out of ink, so he had to open his dest drawer to get another one

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the fisherman die on a fishing trip? He had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down

A mercenary was sent from the US to kill a terrorist leader. He was captured by the terrorists but wouldn't give away any information. They beat him, shocked him, cut him, and punched him in a dark room with a light beaming right down on him like a spotlight. It was a grueling five long days until they said "We know you have the information we want, tell us or you will die!" The mercenary sat in silence. They took out a gun and pointed it to his head. The mercenary then broke down and told the terrorists the information they wanted to hear. The terrorists then shot him to death.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

How do you get a single-armed monkey down from a tree? Wave.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's red and blue and goes 105 MPH? A red and blue car.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why was the Japanese man unable to see? Because it was extremely sunny outside and he had forgotten to wear sunglasses.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did little Timmy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What's worse than AIDS? Buying the anti-joke book

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson molested boys.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I Have ADD ...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Roses are gray, Violets are gray, Everything is gray, I'm a dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why don't they sell aspirin in the jungle? Because it is not financially viable to sell pharmaceuticals in a largely unpopulated area.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What dud the baseball player do when he struck out? Walked back to the bench

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Yo momma so fat, when she sits on a rainbow nothing happens, as rainbows are merely rays of light refracted off of water particles in the air, apparent to humans only on a visible spectrum.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why couldn't the 10 year old see the Pirate Movie? Because he was dead...

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Your mama's so fat, that it's ruined her self-esteem.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

roses are red voilets are red bushes are red trees are red HOLY SHIT MY GARDENS ON FIRE!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a WAFFLE!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

WHATS A GREAT RAVE TUNE KANE !!!!! TUCKER !!!!!!!! DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops