Two guys walk into a bar; A Mexican and a Canadian. The Mexican guy says "Bartender, give me a 2 shots of Tequila, por favor". The Canadian guy says "Bartender, give me a shot of Club and a Molson, eh". They continue to drink until neither can feel the crippling pain of their mundane lives - then they each leave the bar, walk home and sleep alone.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Refrigerators come in an assortment of colors

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What's do you call two bulls, a goat, and a horse? Farm A nimals

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roses are reddish voilets are blueish if it weren't for christmas we'd all be jewish

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Gotta disappoint you there, you see there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of similar organizations which work for the government, and those I work for are black ops, meaning that I would be putting my life in danger if I told you anything about it besides that fact. Its not listed anywhere, its not FBI, its not legislated by any government yet many governments invest their funds there, you could call it something like the interpool, and something like the underground society, except its multi-government driven... A term I sincerely do not fully understand myself, I have certain talents I put to use, but I lack the education in order to be more than a employee for these people.

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class is canceled. My professor died.

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What did the cat say to the other cat? Woof.

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how do you grow a choade? idk ask shea

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Two muffins are in the oven. They don't say anything because muffins can't talk. The end.

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Friends are like balloons When you stab them they die.

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Josh Moran peels off his foreskin while watching gay porn.

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Why does your mother not love you anymore? Because she was in a tragic car accident 5 years ago and is now deceased and is therefore incapable of love.

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Why did the black man work at a Kentucky Fried Chicken? Because he was fired from his job at a grocery store, and it was the only job he could find on short notice in the current job market.

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What do black people and white people have in common? They are both mentioned in this box

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Q:Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Conrad Barry

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What happens when a blond walks into a bar She buys a drink

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Why did the man apologize to the other man, after he had hit him with an axe? He didn't. The man was dead.

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Why was Frankenstein green? Because he painted himself green. Frankenstein is the scientist, not the monster.

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Roses Are Potato, Violets Are Booze, Im Irish and i hate Jews.

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An old bear-wrestler dies and finds himself at the pearly gates. Confused and at a loss for words due to the unfamiliar circumstance and lack of public toilets, he blurts out "Saint Peter, I presume?" but it was just the train conductor. "Ticket please." He searched his pockets and finally found the ticket. He wished he had a dog, but not a seeing-eye dog because people would assume he was blind. This story illustrates the importance of situational awareness, remembering which pocket you put your ticket in, and not forgetting to go before you leave because you don't know when you'll be able to find a restroom.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she was deaf and blind, which both make it very unsafe for her to drive.

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The Big Band Theory

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a boy walked into a pet store to get his bird some food. they were all out. the bird died.

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why didn't sue come to her son's baseball game? because he doesn't play baseball, he lost his arms in a horrible plane crash. besides, sue died in that accident anyway.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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