Why didn't Jimmy's mum come to the school play? She had a heart attack

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One day, a small bald man was walking up the street, when her saw a large red porche, extremely grand, and the door was wide open. He walked over and inspected the open door, and to his surprise, the keys were in place by the steering wheel. He was a good man, with a loving wife and two teenage children, and he had no intention of steeling the vehicle. But astonished by the owner lack of protection, he hopped into the car and drove it around the block, just for the thrill of riding such an amazing car. Around 30 seconds after, he parked the car, got out, leaving the car in the same place, with the door open and the keys in, then he walked home and lived the rest of his life.

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What would George Washington say if he were alive? "Help! im stuck in a coffin!"

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What is green and looks like a blue car? A Green car

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We are as to jokes as atheists are to religion.

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they sent me too your moms house and 9 months later you are here

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A blind man accidentally walks into a gay bar. The bartender escorted him out and pointed him in the right direction.

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Why is Obama the Antichrist? Salad.

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A man walks into a bar and says ow. Two men walk into a bar, which is weird, because the second guy should have seen it coming.

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Why was the man hit by the car? Hellen Keller was driving.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? He had nobody to go with :)

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I17. I17. I17. That was my best impression of a Bingo caller.

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A Frenchman an Italian and an American were setting in a bar drinking and talking. The Frenchman said he made love to his wife five times last night. She said if I died she would never get married again. The Italian said said he made love to his wife ten times last night and that she said if he ever died she would kill her self. They asked the American how many times he made love to his wife last night. He said I'm a widower. She died in the 9/11 attacks.

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Its true, he didnt write that!!

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Did you hear about the guy who got run over? Me neither

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a dog walks into a drug store and orders a bone. what does the cashier do? she wakes up.

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Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

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How do you confuse a blonde? put her in a circular room and tell her to stand in the corner

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a little girl is playing outside of her house when i man in a van approaches her and stops to ask if the girl will help him find his puppy and that he has some gandy. seeing as the girl has a great love for animals she gets in the van. the man and the little girl drive around until they find the puppy. the man is so overjoyed her rewards the girl with candy. he then drives her back to her house and she feels wonderful having helped the man find his puppy. the end.

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There was an Irishman and an Australian who walked into a bar. There was also an American, who didn't. Why didn't the American walk into the bar? He was a midget.

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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

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A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar. The bartender says " What are you drinking?"

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Once upon a time there was a man that was exercising and he pulled a muscle and had to have his arm removed. The end.

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What happened to the blonde who blew out her birthday candles? Her hair caught on fire

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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