how many dirty stinkin apes does it take to put in a lightbulb? 3 dirty stinkin apes, 1 dirty stinkin ape to put in the lightbulb and 2 dirty stinkin apes to throw feces at each other

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the difference between shoes and a ginger? Shoes do the kicking.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I only like NY as a friend.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A Carrot.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man fuffers srom lysdexiea

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A horse walks in a bar. Several people leave seeing the potential danger in the situation.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the depressed teenager die? Because he had cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Why was the ghost boy sad? He was attending his own funeral.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

knock knock. Who's there? John. John who? John Wayne Gacy.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a bus full of white people? A Twinky!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Three black guys go to the mall, they proceed to have a grand time!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Sometimes I finger myself to some Madonna and Mary J. Blige shit. - Jesse

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How do you make a lumberjack cry? By murdering his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats worse than ten babies stapled to a tree? One baby stapled to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Knock knock. Who's there? Shut up.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Did you know that there is a species of rodent capable of jumping higher than an average three-story building? This is due to its muscular hind legs and the fact that the average three-story building cannot jump.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What does a duck have in common? The further it flies the more.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What do you get when you cross a leopard with a camel? Sacked from the zoo.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

How does a man with no arms ride a bicycle? He can't, he loses control and falls over, getting a few scrapes and bruises.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Why did jack fall off a cliff? Coz the hill was on a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a black man eating fried chicken? By his name, which could be John, considering the popularity of said name.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

Hey, is that your corvette? No, I thought it was yours.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What did Santa say when he came to drop off your toys? Nothing. Santa doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops