What has 4 legs and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you a pool table

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One dark, stormy night, there was a man, limping slowly down the road. He looked across the road and noticed a little girl on a park bench. He carefully moved around behind , creeped up, and slowly tapped her on the shoulder. I tap 2 tap 3 tap The little girl slowly turned her head, and as she did, the man uttered 3 sentences.... "Would you mind helping me get back to my apartment, my hand was cut off in the war, while I was serving my country, which is why I have a hook as opposed to a hand. I was heading back to my apartment to greet my wife and 2 little children, since I just got back from a long day's work at the soup kitchen, helping those in need, and I sprained my ankle. By the way, my name I John Thompson."

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Roses are red Violets are blue I was diagnosed as criminally insane Wanna be my friend?

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Don't you hate it when your reading a sentence and it doesn't end how you testicles.

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What's the same between a plane a bird and a piece of celery? They all fly except the celery

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Q. how to kill the germ on a food. A. wash it with bleach.

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chuck norris's daughter lost her virginity but he got it back

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Why did lil' Jimmy fall off his bike? The weight ratio between the left and right sections of his body became uneven due to some sort of change in the traction of the tires to the bumps on the road/ path.

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? Still a pilot.

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What's the difference between a whale and an elephant

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Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist that doesn't believe in god? His disorder has no effect on his belief system.

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How do you know when there's a terrorist in an airport? There's a camel in the parking lot.

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What happened to the lady? She queefed.

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What did the midget say to the other midget? "We're midgets"

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what has 4 legs but can't walk? a paralyzed dog

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What did the cow say to the other cow? How should i know? Go ask them.

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How do you make a boy cry? Kill his family

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A rabi and a priest go out for a coffee they talk for a while and go on there way

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What's brown, no one likes and has had a bad history? Dog poop

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what do u call a newspaper boy on brake? your uncle because hes broke and struggling with income.

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Boy: Hey girl if I had hand-cuffs, I’d lock myself to you right now! Girl: I would find that extremely creepy.

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Q: Why are black people so tall? A: Not all black people are tall, and if they are it is probably from their specific genes.

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Why did the blonde go to law school? She was sick of people assuming that she was not an intelligent woman due to negative sterotypes about her gender and hair color and set out to prove said people wrong.

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Don't wake me up. If you wake me up then I will give you a puppy. Just wait until you fall in love with the puppy, because then i will kill it in front of you.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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