SC Johnson a Family Company

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Did you hear about the eskimo and the pregnant lady? The eskimo got the pregnant lady pregnant.

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Robin- Hey, Batman, can i drive tonight? Batman- Eat my left dick Robin- OK, Batman, but can i still ... mmuupfm fmuupmf... I suppose that means no... mmmupf mmfupfmpfmum...

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Q)why couldn't the baby talk? A)the baby was dead.

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Nobody likes you ya noob! (-_-) *sniff* MAN YOU SMELL BAD

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sometimes josh roberts sees how many things he can get in his bumhole befor is starts to bleed.

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What's black and blue and lives in a kitchen? A 1940's housewife.

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I'm on a seafood diet. It consists of prawns and tuna.

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Roses are red, foxes are clever, I like your butt, let me touch it forever!

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What do you call a blonde with a broken arm? A cripple.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Relizing its a used tampon covered with blood.

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a dumb blond walks into a hair salon and gets her hair died brown... she is now a dumb brunette

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Why was the woman sad? Because her son died.

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I slept with a girl with aids and now I do and so does everybody else I have sex with

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Why did the one-legged chicken say déjà vu? It felt a strong sensation that the current event had been experienced in the past.

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a man walks into a bad part of town he is shot 13 times and dies.

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Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

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A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

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whats the difference between marmalade and jam? you cant marmalade ur cock up a girls arse

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Why did John forget his homework? While driving herself home at 8:00 PM the previous evening, his mother got into a terrible automobile accident. She was rushed to the emergency room, only to find out that one of her main arteries in her right arm was cut. Death was probable for her in the next few hours. John and his father, sitting at home playing a friendly game of chess, were notified of the accident by hospital secretaries. His father rushed John with him to the hospital in his Toyota Camry. Upon arrival, they were notified that John's mother had only a few moments left to live. They ran into her room, and said their last parting words. John's were "I love you, Mom.", and her husband's were "I love you, honey." She then passed away. John began to weep, and his father put his arm around him to try to comfort him, while feeling extreme sadness as well. Around this time, back at home, his dog, Rex, ate his homework that he left on the dining room table. John and his dad then drove back home, crying their eyes out. This kind of sadness they have never experienced before. He will always remember his mom, and love her to bits. His dad, well, he was never really the same after her death. The funeral was scheduled for the next week. John will always remember his mom as being a nice, caring individual with so much love for everyone in the world. Him and his dad later picked out a nice, blue coffin that reads "You will always be missed" on the top of it. They chose it because John's mom's favorite color was blue.

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Why did the Mexican cross the road? Because he was late for his uncle's funeral, which was taking place in the church across from his apartment.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no hands.

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what do you call a blonde that spends fifteen thousand dollars at a bar? an alchoholic.

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I just flew here from Cleveland, and boy are my arms tired! The people on either side of me were hogging the armrests, so I had to kind of tuck my arms up behind my head and it was very uncomfortable.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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