What is the first step in making an ugly girl pretty? Shave her genitals.

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Whats Black and White all Over? Ask Your Mother

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What's red and hurts your teeth? A brick.

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Nickelback.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall Humpty Dumbty took a great fall Because he was terribly intoxicated And failed to properly balance himself.

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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A man ate a lot of ice cream he had double bypass surgery 3 months later

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Once upon a time there was a nice old man who loved to ride his bike... He unfortunately died when he had a heart attack.

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What's worse than death? Nothing.

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Whats black and white and red all over? My wife, i constantly beat her and I should probably be arrested for it if she didnt love me so much

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Q what r u eating under there? Aunderwear ewww thats nasty

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Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

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What is white a can't climb up a tree? A fridge.

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Butterfly is standing on a flower. Cow comes and steps on that flower

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Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor who? Doctor Adams. You called me about your father's stroke.

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How do you get a clown to get off a swingset? Chop off his arms and legs.

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Three people are stranded on an island. They didn't want to eat each other because they were friends. They died of starvation.

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Why did the girl drop her lollipop? She got hit by a truck

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When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world as they wonder how you did it

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Can you say the word "toy boat" 10 times fast? No

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? AIDS

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Womens rights

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I took a shower yesterday. You have no idea how hard it was sneaking that thing out of Home Depot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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