- Anti Joke

Why did the 1,000 pound woman start crying? Because her son got hit by a car.

Q. bob had 93 chocolate bars and ate 74 what does he have now? A. diabetes

What do stupid fat ugly women always say to me? “I think you have a problem with women.”

You know you are really drunk if your blood alcohol Is higher than .08

Whats worst than finding half a worm in your apple? Getting rapped by a giant scorpian

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate you, Go die in a hole.

Fine, the facts add up, excuse me if disinfecting what is left of my eyeball hurts like a bitch and reminds me of the fun I had losing about half of it and my eyelid left/right eyelid (I cannot tell left from right, I was born that way, on the bright side I can use both hands for everything). You know, I am sorry for taking such drastic measures, you know I could have spent the entire day with my wife and both my eyes, we where going on a trip around the world and stuff. Instead she is in police custody and I am stuck looking like a fucking pirate and my friend here does not quite get that its not the aching burning pain of living hell that gets to me, but rather the sensation of feeling pain at the core of my fucking eye whose sensation is so fucking overwhelming that I get just a little bit ticked off. Fucking hell am I glad we do not have a kid. I cannot pick up the phone, you see, its not my number, I paid off a couple of friends (do not really know them) To change their names to Nero. Now, if this is true and you have no idea who assaulted me, then you should have no problem knowing that I wont reveal where you live because we live pretty close to one another, you are not the only one that has proxies. If you do not mind you will have to chat with me here for a while, my eye hurts like a bitch and the fucked up sensation gives me just a tiny bit of anxiety, I will answer the phone, when my fucking hands stop trembling, I already dropped the fucking cell twice. Now it is busted and my friend is trying to put the chip into the other one yadayada, given the conditions I will call you,

Lacrosse is the best sport in the world

What's more fucked up that the Bill Cosby rape accusations? Sam and Adele's shower time on a Wednesday night

what did johnny's dad say to him after his baseball game? nothing because johnny's dad was an abusive alcoholic who beat him until the neighbors found out and called the police. the dad was arrested, tried in court then promptly thrown in jail were he was raped in the showers repeatedly by a very large and intimidating black man. he vomited suicide in his cell today by drinking drain cleaner

How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? 27

a seal walks into a club.

You smell like shit

What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff, Whats not pink and fluffy? Sexual assault.

A black man is packing heat while driving his car. He is a police officer

What's a thither? My sister with a lisp.

I have an idea! You leave.

A man is walking down the beach and he spots an antique looking lamp in the sand, he picks it up and rubs it. Nothing happens and the man begins to cry realizing that his life is so dismal and pathetic he was ready to believe he had found a magic lamp. He proceeds to run into the water and bash himself senseless with a large rock until he passes out and drowns.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Herpes, Now you do too.

Why do I write Anit-jokes. Because I'm very bad at delevering good punchlines. They generally fall flat.

How do you get a cow off a swing? Hit it with an axe.

shea kisses a girl

Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other slide.

Haikus are rigid, Their structure gives them beauty, And if you ignore the structure they kind of don't make sense and are bad.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops