Bob and his family were looking forward to going to an all inclusive holiday to Spain. When they got on the plane, a bomb went off, causing Bob to realise that he was never going to see his family again, and that they were about to suffer a horrific, painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what did the women say when she saw a tiger maul a rabbit? she didn't see it, she was in the kitchen cooking and ironing

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call cheese that's mine? My cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Before her maiden voyage, they told the Titanic she could become anything. So she became a submarine.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

I heard you like playing basketball at night. My ears are fully functional in comprehension of human language and therefore I am able to listen and remember words that are told by others.

thumb_up thumb_down -114

What is black and blue? A pen with reversable ink.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Wooooah! Thats literally the sound I made, anyway, can you like type the entire story in one setting, I feel weird, did you just try to hypnotize me? Anyway, are you trying to, woah, I am like high now...

thumb_up thumb_down +10

How do u make Michael Jackson cry Dead people can't cry you dumb bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A white man and a black man were walking down the street. The black borrowed the white man's phone to make a quick call when an incoming call came in. The black man, while trying to hand the phone back, says, "Here, it's your Dad." The white man replies, "No, that's my phone." Amazed at how uneducated the black man was.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Q. Why did the woman fall out of the tree? A. Cause she got laid

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks into a bar, orders a drink, drinks it, and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What is as dry as a bone? A bone

thumb_up thumb_down +16

knock knock? who's there.......... MEEEE :D hehe

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why do girls enjoy listening to Justin Biebers music? Because he sings moderately well and appeals to a younger audience.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

God lets 3 people from hell come into heaven every year on chisrtmas based on how bad their last day on earth was. Its chistmas and god is standing a the gate of heaven and the first person comes up and god says, "Tell me what happend to you on your last day on earth" and the man says, " i thought my wife was cheating on me so i went to my apartment to check on her and i saw a man on the deck so pushed him off but i didnt know it was my brother. he caught onto the railing so i smashed his fingers with a sledge hammer and he fell 200 ft. Sadly he landed on a bush and survived and so i took the refridguator and through it on him but right after i did i had a heart atack" Then god lets him in to heaven. Then he has the next person come up and god asks him the same question. the man replies, " i was at my brotheres house when some crazy guy pushes me off the my brothers deck but luckily my fingers get caught onthe railing, Then the crazy guy takes a hammer and hits my fingers and i fall but land on a bush. Then the man throughs a refridguator and i get killed." God chuckles and lets him into heaven. The next person comes up and says," picture this, naked in a refridguator." excpaination: the man in tthe refriduator was cheating with the 1st mans wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

So, a guy sees a guy, and asks that guy if he's seen a guy who knew this guy who saw this guy who killed this guy, who knew a guy who is Barack Obama's best friend. Oh wait, Barack Obama doesn't have any friends.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: Ask me if I read the terms of use before I submitted this joke. A: I didnt

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is a mean thing to say to Stephen Hawking? Please take a seat.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

why did the chicken cross the road? he didn't make it

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A woman tells her boyfriend that shes going shopping. Later that day the boyfriend sees her in an alley giving a blow job to a stranger so he says "What are you doing here?"

thumb_up thumb_down -2

What do you call a man who's eating thirty big macs ? Hungry.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the Jewish population diminish in the '40s? Showers and Ovens

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Yo mamma is so fat that she can fit through a skinny doorway. Actually, yo mamma isn't fat at all, but rather a normal sized woman secure in her weight.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

What did the cat say when it was hungry? Meow.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops