A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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How do you blind a Chinese man You put a blind fold on him

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What happened to the man who bought his son a birthday gift? He eventually was robbed and shot in the face

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What's black and white, and red all over? Nothing, those two events are mutually exclusive of each other.

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Whats worse than a bullet in the head? i have no idea, i have never been shot in the head so i'm not sure what to compare it to.

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A man walks into a bar and says "Ouch"

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How do you get a clown off of a swing? You throw an axe at its face.

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Why did the 15 year old girl not enjoy her taco? Because the man making her taco was kid napped and replaced with a female that forgot to put cheese on it.

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How do you stop a car from hitting a kid? You don't.

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What is funny to watch but stinks of shit. Jews oh and SBB they both stink and are funny to watch.

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68 :)

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a fish swimming in the water swims

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two snow men standing in a field and one says to the other can you smell carrots

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Whats on my leg? A pimple. What is it doing? Releasing a white/clear puss.

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What's worse than putting stones in a blender? Putting a baby in a blender.

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Q: Ask me if I'm a tree. A: No, I am not a tree.

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whats pink and fluffy? pink fluff.

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Why did blonde drown? As a child a child she never learned to swim since she did not enjoy swimming.

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A horse walks into a bar. Just kidding, it's a panda.

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-Knock Knock ~Who's there? -It's your mother ~Go away

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the waterhorse is a beautiful creature. It often frolics through fields of wheat.

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Q: Why did the son of the dad who went fishing with him die? A: Well, he was either eaten by a shark or drowned while being the bait before that.

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Why did the cow cross the road? -Because it lives in India and is allowed to.

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Why was the 7 year old girl crying? Because its hard to laugh during gang rape.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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