Mr. Wonder, optimism is seeing the glass as half full, pessimism as seeing the glass half empty, and realism as not seeing the glass at all.

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You know what really pisses me off? When I drink too much coffee.

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A man walks into a man walks into a man walks into a man.

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Jingle bells Batman smells WHERE IS SHE??!!?!?!?

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How do you get rid of Herpes? You can't.

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Roses are red Violets are actually purple You should probably see an eye doctor.

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If you took all the veins in your body and laid them end to end, you would die.

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Why couldn't the dog say anything to the cat? It was born deaf.

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What dog keeps the best time? All dogs will keep reasonably good time as far as their care is concerned, if they have a stable home routine.

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why did the kitten drink its milk? because it doesnt have a motor so has no need for petrol.

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What did the Japanese man do to the pizza? He ate it.

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A man has 72 cookies, he eats 64 of them. What does he have left? Diabetes.

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whats the one about not giving a crap? oh yea this one

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A: Have you ever heard of a blue waffle? B: Yes, i eat them every morning... A: DO you REALLY know what a blue waffle is? B: Yes...

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It's weird how two of the SAME jokes can get different ratings.

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How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Tie her up and force her to watch as you brutally murder her entire family.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a brunette? The pigmentation of their hair follicles.

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what is red and looks like blue paint? red paint.

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I would rape her

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roses are red violets are blue dinosaurs are extinct obama is black

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An elephant walks into a bar. It was so big that it broke a lot of things.

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What's the difference between a pheromone and a hormone? Hormones are secreted internally and trigger various biochemical pathways that cause certain effects. We all are familiar with the effects of testosterone and estrogen, both on the anatomy, and behaviour of humans. Pheromones are secreted externally, and have an effect on another creature in similar ways. Usually they have to do with attracting sexual partners or changing a sex partners behaviour or body in some way.

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how do you make a joke act like yourself

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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