When I find out where you live I'm going to burn down your house, kill your family, and while your crying in you demise I am going to slit your throat.

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Q: What do you call a vacuum that doesn't suck stuff up? A: A broken vacuum.

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Q: You know what never gets old? A: The kids in a school shooting

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A penguin walks into a bar and orders a beer................ PENGUINS DON'T WALK OR TALK

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How many dead babies can you fit a bathtub??? It depends on how you slice them!

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what did the computer say to the tv? computers are not living there for they cannot talk

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Were you born yesterday? Because I've got an erection...

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I went river dancing once. I fell in

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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A father of four joins the military. He returns home after his service.

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What's worse than the holocaust? The Russian Revolution

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What's more funny than an anti-joke? A joke.

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Go figure, you seemed pretty fucking scared of me back then. "autocast" hypnotic priming, anchors, you know what that is right? You for (as an example) clap your hands whenever you succeed at hypnotizing yourself while staying awake in a lucid state, then you repeat it until you one day just clap, your body remembers the whole sequence and boom it works right away. You did not think that PaulMcKenna could just touch people and have them do what he wants without even telling them what to do right? Especially not McKenna, I learned a lot from Richard Bandler, absolutely nothing from Anthony Robbins, everything I could ever want from Igor Ledochowsky, and absolutely nothing from PaulMcKenna, I went to him last, I should have skipped Both Robbins and Kenna, they use NLP and... Basically call it hypnosis.

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Skeletons can't move.

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What's the best part about having sex with a bunch of 3 year olds? There's 20 of them

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how do you make a cat blink? strike him with a hammer.

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What's better than winning a Gold Medal in the Special Olympics? Not being handicapped in the first place.

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Why did the dog run away from home? His house burned down and his owners were killed.

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What happened to the boy who got everything he ever wanted? He turned into a gluttonous and greedy adult who eagerly spent all of his money and subsequently died alone.

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YOU

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Two ducks are sitting on washcloths in the middle of a lake. One duck looks to the other and asks, "hey, do you have any soap?" to which the other duck responds, "what do you think I am, a typewriter?"

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If you're American when you go into the bathroom and you're American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you're in the bathroom? Magic.

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The man was so nice It's too bad he couldn't hear the bus coming.

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What do you call a middle ages man driving a van filled with children? Coach.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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