Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.

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What has hands but cannot feel? A sociopath; due to his or her mental health condition they are incapable of feeling true emotion.

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Roses are red violets are flowers jordan and me did it for hours If you know what i mean xxx

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What did he African say when he had diarrhea? Shit

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Knock Knock Whos there? The Police, your mother just died of bowel cancer.

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why did they bury bin laden at sea? because he died

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hey, my names mark.

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you know what they say... hydrate or die

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What's blue and fluffy? Blue fluff. What's green and fluffy? Green fluff. What's red and fluffy? A kitten that got hit by a truck.

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PICKLES

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Have you heard about the hipster paleontologist? He liked dinosaurs better when they were underground.

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Q: What do you get when you cross Rebecca Black and a day of the week. A: a stupid song called FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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What did the fish say after it's head was cut off? Nothing, it was a fish.

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A guy walks into a bar. But this was a bar like a pole, so the man ended up with a broken nose.

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Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete jumped out, who was left? Pete, the boat blew up and instantly killed repeat

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What do you call a Fat man? You call him by His name because that's the polite thing to do.

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Why did Sally fall of the swing set? Because she got hit with a mattress

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How did Darth Vader make the little black boy's day? "I am your father"*heavy breath, heavy breath*

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A apple a day is good for your overall health and you should schedule check ups with your doctor to maintain good health and avoid seeing him everyday.

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Justin Littleton getting laid.

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What do you call a deaf person whom is behind the wheel of a car about to run off a cliff? ....

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how many jews does it take to change a lightbulb? none, they hire mexicans to do it

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No one walks into a bar The bar is slowly losing business and will soon be forclosed upon and will also lose his home as a result causing his family and himself to be homeless and slowly suffer on the streets

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Two strangers are sitting at a bar having a drink. One is a young, fat, red-headed guy named Fred. The other is an elderly grey-haired man. After a while, Fred turns to the old man and awkwardly asks: "Excuse me sir would ya' mind givin me some advice? There's this girl who has sat next to me on the bus every morning for the past three months. She's the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She always smiles and winks at me. I wannna ask her on a date but every time I go to do it I freeze. I just don't know what to say. I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm falling for this girl and I don't know what in the world to do. Any tips?" The old man continues to sit quietly, slowly sipping his drink. After a while the old man looks at Fred. "Hmmm" says the old man, as he thinks over Fred's question. "What is your name son?" He asks Fred. "It's Fred sir," replies Fred. "Hmmm," the old man says again as he continues to think over Fred's question. The old man then stands up, takes out a gun, and shoots Fred in the face. Fred never saw it coming.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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