Alice, seriously do as I say, I lived with the man for over 16 years, those are not hallucinations, its PTSD, without ritalin he will just go trough that agony for nothing, not coffee not chocolate or any of that, anything that helps his focus. Seriously do not be a bitch Alice, listen to him and do as he says. Its not the first time people think he is having hallucinations when his eyes start moving back and forth like crazy, he is not seeing things, he is experiencing this as if they where real, and just because he can stay in that state for days, does not mean he is meant to go trough that kind of agony because of your ethics or caring or whatever your hesitation might be, the man can go without food for weeks if he has to, but not after you sneak trash like Zopiclone into his system. That was a mistake of yours, make up for it Alice, or ill make you pay.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Twelve men walk into a bar, and get stuck in the door because it's far too small for all of them to walk through at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats worse than the holocaust? Reading the same holocaust anti-jokes for the third time. Well the holocaust is worse, but that's not the point.

thumb_up thumb_down +603

If she's old enough for jail, than shes old enough to rail.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the dog say to the dildo? Your rubber

thumb_up thumb_down +5

i hate this glue. give me one new or i will poo.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A guy walks into a bar and orders 4 shots. The bartender promptly pulls out a gun and shoots him 4 times.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Knock Knock Who's there? Donald Trump Donald Trump who? I already told you my full name. You're fired!

thumb_up thumb_down +60

What is the funniest shirt Emil heskey has ever worn? A shirt that had this joke on it

thumb_up thumb_down -2

A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked: "Why the long face?" The horse said: "My wife just died."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

If anyone has a KIK, put it in the comments.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Whats sad about a black man killing himself? That shaft DVD that he rented will probably be late now.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

What do you not want to call a african american that begins with an N and ends with an R? A Neighbor!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's black and white and red all over? A butler with a stab wound.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

One terrible stormy night, the citizens of Ristoville were hiding from the monsterous lightning cloud approaching them. Little Jonny Harrison, however, was not afraid. This boy had been bullied from the ripe young age of about 14 months by his closest friend, Uncle Oliver, who happens to be a Catholic Priest. Jonny wanted to face the storm, with 6 years behind him, he thought it bizzare that anything worse than Uncle Oliver's magical basement could be brought unto him. He grabbed his supply of Cheese and Onion Quavers, a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Flavoured Ribena, his pretend mobile, a 10ft long metal conductor and his pet grape, "Christopher", and set out for the journey of his life. He told his terminally ill mother that he is going for the adventure of a lifetime, his dad that he wishes him well, and finally, his Grandmother, Rosie Harrison, who has had a severe addiction to meth for almost 25 years now, who has had over 13 interventions and countless attempts at suicide, that he loves her with all of his strong, brave heart, and to hang in there. Little Jonny Harrison takes his first step outside, facing the eye of storm with a little bit of pee in his pants, squeezes his Ribena, slightly squirting it and throwing it heroicly to the drooping wet grass, and screams to the cloud, at the top of his lungs, the words, "I am unstoppable!". Jonny died of HIV induced AIDS and his Uncle was given three to five years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation and consistent domestic abuse and paedophillia. His Grandmother, Rosie, also died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -23

A man walks into a bar. He is then taken to the hospital for his concussion, seeing as the bar was made of metal

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Once upon a time there was a girl who was going out with a boy 2 years older tan her. He was 16 and she was 14. Does it make him a pedo? cause everyone says he is.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

how much does a pirate pay for an earing? $2.50

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's better than winning a Gold Medal in the Special Olympics? Not being handicapped in the first place.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q: how do u make a fireman cry? A: set his wife on fire

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why did the chicken cross the road, but didnt make it he didnt cross it. he was pushed by a band of gang members and hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +13

why did Tommy fall of his bike? because he was getting raped by a walrus

thumb_up thumb_down +118

What do you call a black man chasing after a macdonalds van? The fastest thing in the dessert.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

So a guy comes into a bar... And he is cited for public indecency.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops