what did the lawyer say to the other lawyer we're both lawyers

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Two Girls One Cup

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my uncle tommy is super religious. last month he's walking down the street, he gets mugged and shot in the chest. now miraculously (and i mean miraculously), he always keeps a bible in his left chest pocket. and he had something to read as he bled to death.

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Why couldn't the boy with no arms and no Legs swim? Because he was black.

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how man

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What did the cowboy say to the skunk? You smell.

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There was an old man from Limerick. He was of scottish ancestry and nearing his 76th birthday.

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"knock, knock" "who is there?" Gestapo

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Four blondes are driving to Disneyland, as they finally got to Florida, they read a sign that said "Disneyland: left" so they turned around and headed home.

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What's the best way to win a race? Run faster than all other participants.

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A dog walks into a bar. the bar tender asks" what'll you have?" the dog does not reply because dogs have not yet developed the type of voice box required to speak or the learning cappacity to be taught the English language.

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What do you do when the dishwasher is broken? Fix it, call a repair man, call the landlord, do the dishes by hand or don't do them at all... your options are endless.

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Why did god smite the homosex man with all of heavens wrath? For shits and gigs.

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Sarah: Knock knock. Jim: Who’s there? Sarah: It’s me, Sarah. Open the door. Jim: It’s me Sarah open the door who? Sarah: Please Jim, it’s freezing out here. Jim: That wasn’t a very funny joke, Sarah. Sarah: Shut the fuck up and let me in. Jim: Ok.

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What did the black kid get for Christmas? A Derrick Rose jersey.

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mary poppins' handbag is full of fuckin dick

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Man: Excuse me sir, is this where I turn in my library book? Farmer: You must be really lost, this is a farm.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken had just escaped from the slaughterhouse where he witnessed the brutal decapitation of his entire family and in his heightened emotional state was unable to map out a safer and more sensible route.

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Pickup Line: Hay girl is that a mirror in your pants. Becuase I can see me in it.

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What did the hand say to the face? Nothing because body parts cannot speak.

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How does a Welshman take a shit? Like anyone other human being does.

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Whats the difference between a Dodo and an Elephant? They're both extinct. Excluding the elephant

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What happens when you throw a penny between two Jewish men? Probably nothing, but one of them might pick it up and ask if you have dropped a penny.

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A paraplegic walks into a bar.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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