An Englishman, and Irishman, and a Scottsman walk into a bar and the bartender says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

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Why did the man with no arms, and no legs knock on your door? He can't, he has no arms!

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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what starts with F and ends with ead? Fred was walking to school one day when he heard a strange noise in a tree. He walked up to the tree, looked up, and saw a cat. Fred was late for class, so he decided to go to school and help the cat out after school. Eight hours later, Fred came up to the tree and looked up to see if the cat was there. It wasn't. The cat was lying next to the tree, dead.

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How do you escape a vicious tiger? You cleverly create a distraction so the tiger's focus is not on you. Then, you quickly run away because the tiger doesn't know you are leaving.

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If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests? Tests.

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what do you call a black guy under water? A Scuba Diver

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What came first -- the chicken or the egg roll?

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What happens, when you give a blonde a Computer? She uses it like any other person because her haircolor has nothing to do with her Intelligence

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how how does a black man jump. the same way anyone else does

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Little molly says she wants to have a baby when she grows up because her little baby brother died of ta-sacs 6 months after birth.

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Why the mentally challenged man enter the bar? He's tired of being subject hate and criticism. He hates being the subject of jokes and being pointed at. He may not be able to tell you what 3x6 is, but he still has feelings. So because of all these inconsiderate people judging him, he now spends his days at the local bar, drowning his sorrows away in alcohol. I hope your happy.

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There are two men waiting in line at the supermarket. One of the men reaches forwards and taps the other one on the shoulder. He says, "You dropped your wallet.". He picks up his wallet and both of the men continue on with their day.

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A man, a dog and a pregnant woman walked into a bar, the man bought a beer, the dog was put back outside as the pub didn't allow animals and the pregnant woman didn't buy anything alcoholic as she didn't want to risk the life of her unborn child-she had a soda.

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whats sad about three black men driving off a cliff in a cadillac? a cadillac seats five.

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Knock Knock Who's there May I come in? May I come in who? . . .What's wrong with you can I come in or not?

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What is Blue, Pink, and Green, and sometimes sparkles when wet? Grass. I lied about the Blue and Pink to throw you off...because I can.

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The internet is the most terrible fucking place in existence.

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Q. Why did the middle-aged man need glasses? A. The man's father had poor eyesight and therefore could not see well without the help of glasses.

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How do you get a Black Person out of a tree? Well, if he is stuck call 911 itmediatly!

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Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist that doesn't believe in god? His disorder has no effect on his belief system.

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A christian was diagnosed with cancer. He refused chemo and prayed to god. Eventually, he died.

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Why can't Hellen Keller play the piano? She's dead.

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Patient: Doctor, I've been having a problem, I can't remember anything. Doctor: Do you think you might have amnesia, a common memory problem. Patient: What Problem?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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