How do you make a mime make noise? Throw a brick at his face

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How do you make sushi if you are a fish? Commit suicide and sell yourelf to a sushi resturant!

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Why couldn't the cat drink its milk? Because its ears were nailed to the floor.

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Why did Billy drop his ice cream? The Holocaust.

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What do a lamp and a elephant have in common? Big ears, except for the lamp, it doesn't have ears.

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Why did the Albino cross the road? He was going to the skin pigment store.

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What do you get if you cross a nan and a car? A squashed dead nan who released their bowels and your grandads face who was also dead as they had a cardiac arrest

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Where did the paralytic go for a vacation? No where he can't move.

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If Abraham Lincoln were alive today, he'd be really really old.

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A blonde takes a test. She scores higher than her Asian friend.

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*puts thumbs up on own anti-joke. Nobody needs to know....

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A guy at a baseball game....

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What did one lawyer say to the other? We are both lawyers. What did the stupid lawyer say to the other lawyer? We are both pineapples.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Wristwatch! Wristwatch who? Orange ya glad I didn't say banana

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Why was the little girl crying? She got slapped with a porcupine.

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A man is driving and hits a woman. Who's fault is it? The man's: pedestrians always have the right of way.

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Two kids walked into a bar. One jumped over it

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What did the man say to the other man? yummmmm

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What did the dinosaur say to the caveman? Nothing. Dinosaurs were wiped off the earth due to a tragic, world wide extinction about 65 million years ago while small mammals which would eventually evolve into humans survived.

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What did George Washington say to Genghis Khan? Nothing they are both dead.

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Why did Billy drop his ice cream cone? Because he was hit by a truck.

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A doctor walks into a room after a woman has just given birth to her baby Doctor: I've got some good news and some bad news Mom: Whats the bad news? Doctor: Your Baby is Ginger. Mom: So what's the good news? Doctor: It's dead.

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Why was Cinderella so bad at ball? Isn't that sexist, making assumptions about Cinderella's sports capability when you have never seen her play sports before (because she is a fictional character) and then asking why this is true when you have no proof that it is in fact true? But I would guess the correct answer is (if she is bad at ball in the first place) that she never played ball before. Think about it. Why did you have to ask this question at all? Isn't it obvious?

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Whats the worst way to find out your married. Hungover

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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