- I have cancer. - SUCK IT UP!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

An Asian person drove home safely.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the fat prick post on the internet? Because he was MorningAfterBoy

thumb_up thumb_down +17

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

thumb_up thumb_down +101

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. "I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walks in to a bar with a frog stapled to his head. The bar tender says What the heck is that. The frog says I don't know this thing has been coming out of my but for two days

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the cat eat himself? He was hungry

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Paddy Englishmen, Paddy Irishmen and Paddy Scotsman walk into a bar. They realise that they all share a common name and make a casual joke about it.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

A man walked into a bar and a knife seventeen times.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Whats black and white and red all over?.. The L.A. Race Riots.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A: Where does a cow go on the weekends? B: To the mooooovies? A: No, to the slaughterhouse.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

why did the monkey fall out of the tree there was no monkey

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the Jews go into the shower? Because they had just finish a basketball game and they needed to freshen up.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

They say that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. If that is true, then who on Earth are we? [L]

thumb_up thumb_down -4

How do you confuse a terrorist? Speak another language other than Arabic

thumb_up thumb_down -28

WWII veteran screamed! "You damn yellow monkey" "But sir... ...my fur is brown!" Replied the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

how do you stop a gang of black people from raping a white woman? throw a basketball

thumb_up thumb_down -42

Teacher: Be creative and original! Student A: Teacher, why do you want us to change our monikers? I'm fine the way I am. After all, I'm unique... just like everybody else... Teacher: Why don't I have the brilliant children? Student B: Chance/randomness plays a large part in our everyday lives. Take for example the life of Bob- a paragon for human normality. He gets up in the morning each and every single day to be greeted by an arbitrary occurrence. Although it sometimes serves Bob good, it could also aggrandize his human well of detriment. Teacher, do you want me to continue? Teacher: I retract my earlier statement. Some of the children are brilliant, but most are not. Hence I'm going to say that I have a normal class of students. Student B: Teacher, you didn't answer my last question of which I addressed to you specifically.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the little girl die so suddenly? The bullet got her right in the heart.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Q; What is pink and has 2 legs? A: Not a lot of things, but a Flamingo is the closest thing that I could think of if you do not count the beak eyes and feet.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

What did the black guy get on the SATs? Who knows, that isn't a specific person

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why is a giraffe's neck so long? Because it's head's so far from his body.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Where do the biggest potatoes grow? the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats the difference between two flies? Nothing, they're both flies.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops