Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have some H2O." The second one then says "I'll have some H2O too." Both chemists live as no bartender is irresponsible enough to serve liquid hydrogen peroxide in a public bar.

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A zen master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The vendor says, "Sorry, we're out of relish." Then the zen master tells him, "Sir, I don't think you get the joke. As you can see by my long silk robes and fu manchu, I am clearly a zen master. And I have used a pun that would make you think I were asking for enlightenment from a hot dog." The vendor then says, "We don't take too kindly to wise guys here." And then the prick gets up and tosses me into the street!

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Why are all the tech support people from India? That's where the majority of call centers are located.

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Three men are walking on a beach when they find a lamp. They rub it, and a genie comes out. It tells them that they each get one wish, and to choose wisely. They each decide to discuss what to wish for with their wives. Their wives take them to a local hospital, where they receive treatment for hallucinations.

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What did the little girl who's parents died in a car accident get you her birthday? Foster Parents

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What's the same between grapes and squirrels? They're both purple, except for the squirrel.

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How did the gymnast fall off the beam? Got shot in the face

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Q:Why did the little girl fall out of the swing? A:Because she had no arms.

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A black man didn't walk into a bar

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Facebook How i met my mother

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what did batman say to robin before they got in the car? "robin get in the car"

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Whats worse than a man who has had a hard day at work, he goes to a bar and gets drunk, he goes home and beats his wife? I his wife was fat and had cancer

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Roses are black violets are black We are all black?! SHIT IM COLOUR BLIND

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Why did jimmy fall of his bike? Because jimmy was a goldfish

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How many jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front, 2 in the back, and a thousand in the ash tray.

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Why didn't the girl paint her nails white? Because in this society, that would be considered racist.

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Q: What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? A: Nothing, he's Jewish.

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How did the man eat 100 mints in one bite? I'm not sure myself, but we can agree on one thing, his breath is gonna fresh.

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Why did John suck at sports? He was mentally retarded and had no friends.

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What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? Cot death.

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Why didn't the Mexican have car insurance? Because he was 12 years old and didn't have a car so he had no need for car insurance.

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Laughter and joy... You are really sweet you know.. Excuuuse me princess! But Like Mickey Mouse never changed... From a Potato peeler to some fuckup private detective in a trenchcoat. So tell me, what character did Walt Disney draw before Mickey Mouse?

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What's white and can't climb trees? Yogurt

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: Depends how hard you throw them.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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