what do a heater and a dead baby have in common? a dead baby is only warm for a small period of time

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I went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog, it was a shitzu

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What do you call a dog with 2 legs? Doesn't matter, it's not going to come anyways.

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender served him a beer and said "why the long face?", to which the horse replied "neigh". The bartender was later fired for incompetence and serving beer to a horse.

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Your mother is so white that when she dances, she is off beat a little bit.

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Do you know what hurts? An abortion.

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Knock Knock Come in Thank you very much. Don't mention it. Would you like a home made spinach roll?

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Hey Eliza, thanks, while I appreciate the help, Alice is crying in a corner and refusing to get up, I wont lie, for a moment there I could "see voices and music" and valium has taken care of the ptsd (and blown most of my brain, which is nice for a change). With that said, im on 40 mg ritalin which is a lot, but I need it, besides I can handle the anxiety. I have no idea who the guy typing this is, but he is following me to the letter, so thats good enough, except his typos being worse than mine, which is pretty good for a guy that barely speaks english. Sorry Eliza, but Alice is having a breakdown here, ill talk her down a bit first, she tries to hide it, but she is far more worried about me than I am, which is nice, just not like this, ill be right back with you.

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If I had a penny for every time I said the word "the" I would have AIDS

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What do you say to a friend named Alex? The Game

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s o m a a d i t u n y s n i t a c s d c ' s k h k s t o e l y e

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What do you call a bitchy unreliable friend? You don't call that bitch at all.

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Hi Shelby!!

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Why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory? She made skittles.

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What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends what its name is.

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What is 1+1? It's 2!

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How did Hitler die? He saw his gas bill

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Why did the cow cross the road? The slaughter yard was on the other side!

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Hi my name is Bob

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Whats worse than suicide? death

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What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The holocaust? What's worse than the holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he has a great career and a loving family.

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Person 1: Knock knock. Person 2: Come in.

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Pikachu walked into a bar. "GO, SQUIRTLE!" the bartender screamed. An epic Pokémon battle ensued, after they got drunk. The end. Pika pi!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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