how do you make a plumber cry? you pull its pants up

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"who you calling pinhead" tell me you know what thats off

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Did you just fall from heaven? If not I'm gonna beat the shit out of you

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A man goes to a doctor to check about an itch on his testicles. Turns out it was just a rash and is promptly prescribed medication and it clears up in a week.

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doctor, doctor, i feel sick the doctor runs some tests on his patient then comes to a conclusion then the doctor says " you are fine"

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why do asprins work? Because they're white

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What do you get when you put the head of a lion on the body of an eagle?2 dead animals and a fine for killing protected species.

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What did the female lady person say to the baby? Get Some.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are not intelligent enough to realize the hazardous dangers of crossing the street.

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Xzibit

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How do you say hooker in Chinese? ?

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What did the monk say to the 1 legged, Asian prostitute Nothing, Monks take a vow of silence.

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How to shrink China's population in a few minutes? Nuke them all, simple.

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What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I chop up an onion.

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A straight A star quarterback in his senior year of high school was about to throw the game winning pass in his season's last game and complete the school's undefeated record when he was sacked by a defender. He fell incorrectly and broke both of his legs, rendering all of his scholarships invalid. He hasn't walked since.

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What do you call an Arab flying a plane? A terrorist. What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot. What are you racist or something?

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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

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What's red and smells like a rose? Bumble-bees licking honey off of a stick.

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Last night I saw an elephant in my pajamas. I don't know why I went to the zoo in my pajamas.

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Why dont jews eat pork? Because the torah doesnt allow cannibalism

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GIVE

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Sticks and stones may break my bones.

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A man is shipwrecked on a desert island. One day, he finds an old lamp. When he rubs it, a genie appears. The genie says, "You have freed me. As a reward, I will grant you three wishes." The man smacks himself in the face and mutters, "Oh god, I'm seeing genies now. I must be delirious from lack of food and water." Several hours later, he dies.

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What did the clock say? The time.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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