Why did the young girl fall off of the swing set? Because a man came up behind her and pushed her. He then picked her up, brought her home and fed her a nice three course meal and put her to bed. When she woke up she snuck out of the house and alerted the police.

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Q: Why God never got a PhD? A: 1. He had only one major publication. 2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English. 3. It has no references. 4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal. 5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then? 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. 9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing. 10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects. 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample. 12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book. 13. Some say he had his son to teach the class. 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. 15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests. 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

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How do you stop a car from hitting a kid? You don't.

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What do Michael Jackson and a throbbing, greasy, overcooked Shitake Mushroom have in common? Nothing. Just nothing at all.

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A blind man asked me out last night. I told him I was seeing someone...

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Roses are red violets are blue I have outsimers Wait what?

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One time at band camp, I advanced my clarinet skill, which led me to have a good life.

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Why did the guy jump out of the plane? he was parachuting

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The cookie monster walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why do you seem so blue?" Everyone laughed. Then the cookie monster replied "my wife died."

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A duck walked up to a lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand hey! Got any guns

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Knock Knock Who's there? Gilbert Gilbert who? Goddamn it David just open the door

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cancer

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This episode featuring an all new nonspeaking character, who never goes on screen.

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Why some people don't get the flu twice? Because they died!

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I used to have a shirt just like yours, except it was green. And it was a bicycle.

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Why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a pineapple

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What's red and round? A red and round solid.

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Why did the Chicken cross the Road? To get to the other side! (To fully appreciate the subtle nuisances of this joke, you really have to be a chicken.)

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What turns red and explodes in a microwave A cat

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What's black and blue and made of poo? A drowning black guy, holding some blue poop

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you got Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, and Reese Witherspoon. Which do you think is more succesful

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roses are red violets are blue my name is kate boyd im gay

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A duck and a chicken walk into a bar. How improbable.

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A man walks into a bar, purchases a beer, and leaves.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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