What did Uncle Timmy give to Little John for his birthday? Sodomy.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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how come timmy didnt brush his teeth he didnt have a toothbrush

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What did the guy say to the mushroom? You're a fungi

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Anagram.

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Have you ever seen what Stevie Wonder looks like without his sunglasses? Neither have I.

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How did they wake up Lady Gaga? They p-p-poked her face p-p-poked her face......!

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Hello we are from the church of the latter day saints.

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Why wasn't the black man served at the bar? Because they didn't serve his kind there... Did I say black guy? I meant to say a horse, wait, did I say bar? I meant the barn, yes, a horse walks into a barn but they couldn't serve him because he wasn't tamed

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Why is the moon gray? Why is it not?

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How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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What do you get when you cross a RPG with a cell phone? A microwave

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A man with a badly injured arm is sitting in a hospital. He says, "Doctor, when my arm heals, will I be able to play the violin?" The doctor says, "With proper medical attention and rest, yes, you will be able to." The man says, "That's great! Before I was hurt, I really enjoyed playing the violin."

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What happens when an alien touches fire? It gets burnt

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Knock Knock! Who's There? Billy Sup Billy, come on in!

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ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE I LIKE TITS TITS

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> Why wasn't the chicken able to cross the road? > Because he had severe autism and was Ambulophobic.

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What is the difference between a dolphin and a ghost? A dolphin is not a ghost

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What's the difference between a duck, an engineer, and a leaf? There are many differences between these 3 that I will not list them all.

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A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

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Why did the aeroplane fall out of the sky? An ant jumped on it

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What did the two Japanese men say to each other? I have no idea I don't speak Japanese

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What's green and fuzy and could kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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