A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

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The indistinguishable bug corrupts a bond arrow.

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Hey wanna hear joke? ........ yeah .......me too

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Q: Why did the man eat the banana? A: Cuz he was hungry!

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Hitler wasn't that bad... He DID kill Hitler.

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Know what's funny? Not these jokes!

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Your mom is so fat that she turns "One Size Fits All" to "One Size Fits Most"

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What Do You Call a Black Man With a Gun?? A Cop

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How many chicken feathers are there in a 50 pound bag? 50 pounds worth Why did the chicken cross the road? It was being chased by a duck Why did the man cross the road? It was duck season A woman is dying but can't reach her husband. Why? A duck ate his cell-phone A pig walks into a bar but there is no bartender. Where is she? Dead A duck hunter is selling a duck to a man. The man only pays the duck hunter a quarter. Why? It was full of chicken feathers.

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What is worse than blue balls for a guy? Depending on the girl, absolutely nothing. Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

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Roses are red Violets are blue Sunflowers are red I'm colorblind

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why did the man paint his house? cause he never wanted to mow the lawn

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Why did the owl visit the hospital? His mom was dying of luekemia.

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So does Blake

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What is red and green and goes 50mph? A frog in a blender

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Why was the little boy crying? Because a stranger shoved explosives up his butthole.

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do you like hardcore music? ya i love brokencyde

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KNOCK KNOCK. who's there? Isdar Isdar who? Isdark in here.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Neither has he.

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Do not be unreasonable now, as for the twenty five million dollars, it is the least I can do, but if we cannot agree upon acting with some reason and dignity, as refraining from insults, then no conflict will ever be solved... ...I will send you my contact information shortly, expect the money within the week, three or four days tops.

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Whats worse than an offended chicken walking around with a squirrel stapled to its back? A crusty old man with hepatitis peeing on 10 babies.

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Leave. Now.

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Your Moma so fat, she would roll down a hill.

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Whats the difference between a black man and a banana? Banana's don't hijack planes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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