Q: Why isn't Michael Jordan able to jump into space with only 1 leap? A: If that were possible, the supposedly absolute laws of physics would've been irreversibly violated to the full extent that the future of science would be in trouble and the future of some already mentally-unstable people would've been deeply jeopardized to a state that they couldn't naturally recover from.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A man walks into a bar. Later that night he comes home to an intervention and realizes he has a drinking has hurt him and his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

A man goes to an amusement park. He heads straight for the roller-coaster and gets in line. When he gets to the front, the ride operator informs him that he is too short to ride. "You must be at least 48 inches, sir, you just barely miss the mark, I'm sorry, I can't let you ride." The man is sad, but he doesn't let this little discrepancy ruin his day. He then gets in line for a different ride.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Some people like melon and others like soup.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A man eats a piece of fried chicken A chicken that was days before retirement and had a pregnant wife and two children to look after

thumb_up thumb_down +10

what did Charlie Sheen say after he won a game of chess? I just won a game of chess!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

How to condom style ! Ayyyyyyy thts ur baby ! No! No! No! No! No! No! Broken condom style ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

what did binladin say when he got to hell? oh no. im in hell

thumb_up thumb_down -11

roses are red violets are blue your friend is a scumbag and so are you

thumb_up thumb_down -14

why do police kill so many young black men in America? it's a difficult question that deserves a thoughtful response. many complex issues are at play, but we also feel a sense that something must be done. we cannot ignore some of the forces at work here, yet we cannot all personally take responsibility, either. or maybe he wanted to steal his girl. that shit really happens. THAT SHIT LEGIT HAPAPNES.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Puns are terrible. I love them.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

It was a beautiful day, John was driving in his car down the street, Kameron was riding his bike preparing for a bike race the following day, and Griffin was having his 7th birthday party. John ran over Kameron and Griffin, he killed Griffin and broke Kameron's legs to where he could never stand/ride again

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why is the sky blue? I don't know I thought you knew

thumb_up thumb_down +31

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Put it on my bill"

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's the difference between dogs and humans? 8.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

I black guy was walking down a street when he saw a beautiful women and said to her that she looked lovely

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red my name is Dave this poem makes no sense, micorwave

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Do you have to make frequent trips to the bathroom? Do you have a weak or broken stream? Do you leave the bathroom feeling satisfied? Do your frequent trips to the bathroom interrupt everyday activities? Well you should take Lunesta and just sleep. Then you wouldn't have this problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Knock, Knock Who's there? The interrupting doctor The inter- You have cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +34

what's worse than waiting 45 minutes in an amusement park ride? getting your penis chopped off.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why did the police arrest the Escalade full of black men? Reckless driving. I lied, it was an asian woman.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? It would probably be the court janitor who was responsible for that job, rather than the lawyers.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Why does Hilter hate Jews? He's incapable of hating because he's dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops