What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and only one eye? Dave.

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What happened to the blonde who blew out her birthday candles? Her hair caught on fire

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roses are red violets are blue i need a pee and so do u

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So the priest took the 6 year old boy into the confessional...and He told him to say 3 Hail Mary's.

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Why did the astronaut die in space? Just kidding there was no astronaut. It was a cucumber

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What do you call women playing the sport of lacrosse? I dont think it matters because Women's Lacrosse isn't a sport.

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What happened to the chicken who crossed the road ? Quite obviously he got to the other side to be greeted by a 50 foot half man half chicken who had one leg.

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Why don’t stores sell mouse-flavored cat food? It’s a matter of marketing; tuna, chicken and liver flavors sound much more palatable to the humans buying the pet food.

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's brown, sticky and crawls up your leg? A homesick poo.

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Why did God create Ebola? Because he hates us all.

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3 thieves are also murderers and naked at the moment.

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An Iraqi, an American and an Irishman get on a plane. They all enjoy the in-flight amenities, agree that the food was sub-standard and arrive at their destinations safely.

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Your momma went to the gym, because she is fat.

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Yo momma is so fat when she sat on the i pod she made the i pad!

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What do you call a bitchy unreliable friend? You don't call that bitch at all.

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Why did the cancer patient shave his head? He wanted to pretend he still had hair.

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Women's rights.

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Why did the girl fall off her bike? Someone threw a piano at her.

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Why did the black guy scream? well, he just saw his friend get shot, and there was blood everywhere.

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"Ask me if I'm a billboard" "Are you a billboard?" "No"

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What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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Why couldn't the girl eat her pizza? She had no face.

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Whats worst than being raped by a black guy? Being raped by two black guys? You racist i'm calling the police.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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