whats worse than a leaf in your bed? World hunger, global warming, the economy......

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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What do you tell a 500 lb. Sumo wrestler who's eating your food? Stop eating my food.

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Where did the taxi driver put his suitcase down? celery

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25

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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How do you kill a blonde? You shoot her.

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Where do pimps go when they retire? Idaho.

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Q: Whats worse then being murdered? A: Nothing

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Why do black guys have big dicks? God felt bad putting pubes on their head

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Why is the sky blue? Well it has something to do with The suns reflection off of all the waters on earth's surface.

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Guy walks into a bar and half his head is an orange. Barman: What can i get.. holy shit half your head is an orange!! How did that happen?? Guy: Magic Lamp, rubbed it, three wishes etc etc. Barman: What in the bejesus were your three wishes, half your head is an orange. Guy: First Wish – I wished for every woman in the world to love me. Barman: Right, that is ok. What was your second wish? Guy: Second Wish – I wished that I was a billionaire. Barman: What in the hell was your third wish half your head is a frickin orange? Guy: It was a silly wish. I dot wanna say: Barman: Go on tell me, I’ll give you a drink. Guy: OK well for my third wish I wished that half my head was an orange.

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whats brown and falls out poop :) - haha

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What's 9+ 10?! 19

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Paul Dylan King!

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What did the person do at the stop sign? Stop

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Why did the plane to New York not land? It was redirected to Boston because of inclement weather.

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Why did the racist guy die? Because the black guy stabbed him with a fork.

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how did i know i had a new puppy?...... i found out when i was scraping it off my truck tire

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Beans, beans the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more likely you are to realize that beans aren't actually fruit. They're legumes.

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Once you go black, you have a high chance of being in an interracial relationship.

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what do you call postman pat after he's retired? Pat.

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Whats the difference between the Pope and acne Acne doesn't get onto a kids face until they're 13

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A piece of wood walks into a bonfire. Wood can't walk.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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