A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

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What's worse than death? Not a lot!

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What do you call an insect that has 8 legs? A spider.

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connor sucks

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I flipped through the Yellow Pages, made a few calls, and found the Chinese man I was looking for.

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What do you call a mexican man with a rubber toe? Ruberto.

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2 moose sitting in a tree, suddenly there came a boat and landed in the tree next to them, then said one of the moose, he probably lives there

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Why did the man drown in the bath? He was a quadriplegic and couldn't support himself above the water.

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Wanna hear a funny joke? Sure. Me too, do you have any?

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What did the young girl say to her step-dad? Nothing. She no longer talks to him after years and years of sexual abuse which left her emotionally scarred.

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why didn't bobby eat breakfast? because i stapled his head to the floor

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When you nut and slice her fukcing dumb head off fucking dumb BITCH DIES

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Steve, what do I write on a 3946 if more than two vehicles were involved?

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What did the black man do when his Polish friend died of cancer? He fertilized his front lawn as it was beginning to burn due to overexposure of the sun.

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What's dead? Your mum.

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Where's my tractor?

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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What do you do if you see a cat crossing the street? Hit it of course!

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When the world ends what would be the death toll It would be unknown since every one would be around to calculate it

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If you are stranded on a deserted island would you eat your hand or the 5 star meal you butter prepared? -Matt

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what is more funny than watching a baby fly in a circle at 100 mph stopping it with a shovel

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? Actually it couldn't even walk because of all the hormones they injected into it in order to genetically enhance it's size and flavor.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The first is a person of the Jewish Faith and the other is a popular item of food.

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What is black and hangs from trees in my backyard? Black berries.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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