Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How do you make a fake baby cry -Put batteries in it. How do you make a real baby cry? -Put batteries in it.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Knock knock. Who's there? Come in.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Did you know that I can't talk any louder than this... Exept when I can

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Why didn't the woman cook dinner for her husband? She had to work late.

thumb_up thumb_down +41

Why did the man throw a clock? In retaliation for his wife having thrown a vase at him. The couple has a history of domestic violence. More than one friend has suggested counselling.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

what does lady gaga have that some people dont have? a penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What building has the most stories? The Burj Khalifa.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he had poor coordination.

thumb_up thumb_down -7

What's the worst way to die? Alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

A tree falls in the woods. A deaf boy, who had been frolicking through the forest, is struck down by the tree. He dies. His parents are ridden with grief for years, until finally the father commits suicide. The mother soon remarried and had two more children. Both died before the age of 15. She was a horrible mother.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What's the difference between Megan Fox and a dead baby? I'll eat Megan Fox before I fuck her.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm schizophrenic. And so am I!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q:How do you kill a blonde? A:The same way you kill everyone else.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Doctor Doctor I think I'm a dog. Sit down on the couch and tell me about it. Ok.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A fat guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, "the regular?" The fat man replies, "actually this time I wanna try something different."

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did little Jimmy say when he met God ? Nothing, God doesn't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

what would Jesus do? Get crucified and die.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How long does it take a person to steal a television? Many variables could determine said ability to successfully steal a television. Such variables depend on sub-variables such as weight of the television, whether the television is a store, an upper-class citizen's home, or in a "ghetto" apartment. A main variable could be the race of the thief in question. African Americans are scientifically more likely to steal a television faster compared to a Caucasian. Yet a downside to being an African American is the fact that they are more likely to be called in for questioning or arrested on the spot at their broken down home. Caucasians are less likely to be questioned and if caught will most likely obtain the proper amount of bribery money in which to pay off the police.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Why did the fish look like a human? Because it was a person, drowning.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q:Where was The Declaration of Independence signed? A: At the bottom

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A ginger kid and his 5 friends walk into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Knock knock, Come in...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Fill in the blank: A ______ is a man's best friend. Jake: Is it dog? Host: YES! Now for the 1 million dollars! Finish the sentence: I just saved a lot of money by Jake: Switching to Geico? Host: Sorry, that's incorrect. The correct answer is "I just saved a lot of money by not spending it on useless junk and by budgeting my account towards investing in the future." Oh well, nice try.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops