roses are red violets are blue i have alziemers what are we talking about again

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What do a squirrel and a grape have in common? They are both purple except for the squirrel.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It was taken to a factory where it was butchered, processed and eventually fed to America.

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Mum makes $97 per hour working online? Offline I can see , but online, mmm pull the other one, it plays lossless codecs

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What's green, yellow, and red? A traffic light

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how do you drown a blonde in a kitty pool? put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom

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How do you have sex with an amputee? stick it in the eyes

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I am black. And i will beat your children. At checkers. They can be the red .

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Roses are red My name is Dave This poem makes no sense And it doesn't rhyme either

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Life

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Knock, Knock Who's There A dyslexic kid with aides

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Q: What happens when two feminists try to chanbe a lightbulb? A: That's not funny.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.

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What do you call a Pakistani flying a plane. 9/11

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Hamsters are a lot like cigarettes. They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

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What did the cat say to the dog? Meow

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What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Get in the car.

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Your momma's so fat, she's at risk of a number of cardio-vascular problems, including high blood pressure, leading to heart disease, stroke, type II diabetes, and a premature death. She also has an elevated risk of contracting cancer.

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What does a Somalian want for Christmas? Nothing hes Sunni Muslim and does not celebrate Christmas

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A wife says to her husband "Everybody's coming over tonight, I want you to dress nice." *logically this cannot happen because there is no way that this couples residence can fit all 6 or so billion people in the world, nor would they want to.

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What did the man do after a bad day at work? He went home and beat his wife

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A blind man walks into a bar....and a chair....and a table....and a wall....and a person... etc.

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This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

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"hey you know that graveyard down the street." "yeah." "people are dying to get in there."

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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