Why couldn't the woman give her sister a present? Because she just got eaten by zombies.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

3 men walk into a bar, and the fourth guy behind them had the sense to duck under it.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Sometimes I finger myself to some Madonna and Mary J. Blige shit. - Jesse

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you do if there's a rabid elephant chasing behind you, a vicious jaguar to your right, a rearing horse to your left, and a bloodthirsty lion in front of you? Innoculate yourself with a rabies vaccine, prod the jaguar on the nose with a stick (they hate that and will probably flee as a result), speak softly and calmly to the horse and encourage the lion to go for the elephant instead of you. You will probably still die as a combined result of mauling and trampling, and it's unlikely that you'll have two rabies vaccines to hand by chance for such situations, but your chances of survival will be minimally improved.

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Hey, dude, wanna hear a joke? Sure... Pussy. ...I dont get it... Exactly! HAHAHAHAHAHA

thumb_up thumb_down -19

c+t+c?

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? I did too, he worked hard for four years, partied in moderation, but graduated with a degree in chemical engineering and became very successful in the business world in order to support his wife and two children.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did your mom get for christmas ? A stairstepper.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is the difference between a motorcycle and a football? 42, because ice cream has no bones.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Why did the baker turn off the oven? He had run out of business

thumb_up thumb_down +24

why did the baby fall down the steps? Because there was big earth quake that blocked his parents on the other side of the house, therefor leaving no one capable of getting to him befor falling

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Q. Why did the 8 year old girl scream and cry when she was raped? A. I no idea either. I drugged her and taped her mouth closed.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: How did the black man cross the Atlantic? A: He flew with an airliner, a large fixed-wing aircraft for transporting passengers and cargo.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Bake until golden at 375

thumb_up thumb_down -42

A n antelope walks into a bar and many people leave for the sake of their safety and animal control gets called to escort the antelope out of the bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

Q.what happens if a fat man see's a black man? A. the fat man eats the black man thinking that he was chocolate

thumb_up thumb_down -7

Don't you hate it when your reading a sentence and it doesn't end how you testicles.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What did the oak tree say to the pine tree? Nothing tress dont speak regardless of the kind.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a penguin in the desert? Most likely a dead penguin.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you call a black man driving a fire truck? A firefighter you racist.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's worse than getting a fly stuck up your nose? Been alone in a hospital room with Jimmy Saville.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops